Persuasion
by hillstar
Summary: Narcissa Black was Remus Lupin's earliest student in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Later in life, they meet again.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters. **

He was in one of the Dark Arts shops in Knockturn Alley when he saw her.

She was dressed in a high-collared black overcoat with green peeking from her blouse. Jewels glimmered blood red at on her left hand and around her neck. Her face was worn by the years but her eyes were as blue as he remembered them and her skin still snowy like her leopard patronus.

For a moment he looked at the back of her neck, where her blonde hair was lifted into a bun. He smelt the light scent of flowery perfume that she added to the muskiness of the antique shop.

Remus had been standing against the staircase, trying to keep a low profile while seeking material for his new class. He wondered if she recognized him, with his face more scarred and his hair more disheveled than it had been even when he had studied at Hogwarts.

It had been such a long time since he had seen her, longer even than since he had last seen Sirius, or James.

He had thought of her often, however, as his first student.

* * *

><p>She had been the one to come to him. It had been early in the autumn, around the beginning of a break. She'd caught him at a moment when the Marauders hadn't been around and she had lost the Slytherin gang that considered her its centerpiece.<p>

"Remus, I need your help with something. I'm flunking Defense Against the Dark Arts. Everyone knows you're the best in that class, but none of the Slytherins take it seriously, so I thought maybe you could tutor me."

He had been surprised by her approach. In all their six years together at Hogwarts, Narcissa Malfoy had never shown much interest in him or any Gryffidor, including her cousin.

"That's too bad. I'm not here to do Slytherins' homework."

He had turned around, about to hurry away. Her voice stopped him.

"Wait, Remus…"

Her eyes had filled with tears. The tears surprised him. The blonde Slytherin girl always seemed icily, radiantly calm, not as cruel as other Slytherins, but more aloof.

Her voice grew more desperate when she spoke again.

"The truth is …I'm not really asking you because of my grades. I didn't even _care _about what grades I get anymore. If it were just about that…" She paused and her body tensed.

"This is the year we all graduate. After this, I'll be away from Hogwarts. Away from here, with _them. _Lucius. And my sister… You know as well I do that our Defense Against the Dark Arts classes haven't been very consistent. But I have to be able to defend myself. I can't…"

He didn't know why, but he felt the urge to take her hand and reassure her.

"It's okay," he said, "I believe you."

"Will you help me?"

He founding himself agreeing to try to help, saying wasn't sure exactly what he could teach, but he could make time in a few days to meet in the Room of Requirement.

* * *

><p>The Room of Requirement abundantly provided for their needs. It filled itself with a large blackboard, shelves of pertinent books, and plenty of space for sparring.<p>

They began meeting there frequently, about once or twice a week. They would begin by going over the lessons from their previous years, trying to patch together what they had been taught into some coherent whole. Then, he would quiz her on whatever area she needed to memorize.

Afterwards, he would demonstrate the finer techniques of a defensive spell, which she would copy. At first, he had been reluctant to curse her himself, but she insisted that she needed the practice deflecting real curses.

Once, he hit her with a _Petrificus Totalus _that she had been unable to dodge. He unfroze her at once and apologized profusely. But she told him not to apologize, that she needed him not to hold back if she was going to become stronger.

* * *

><p>She never showed any visible interest in Defense Against the Dark Arts when in the regular class. She sat with the other Slytherins, chatting and dozing off. When they were together in the Room of Requirement, however, her determination to learn the subject sometimes frightened him.<p>

Although her practical defense techniques needed practice, her knowledge of the effects of curses often exceeded his own. He was concerned about where this knowledge came from, as he had stories about the infamous House of Black from Sirius.

He hated to ask, but one day he felt that he had to.

"What curse are you the most concerned with? What do you want the most to learn to defend against?"

She gazed at the floor and it was a moment before she responded.

"I think I should know how to fight against the Imperius Curse."

"You think that the Imperius Curse could be used on you?" A wave of anger passed through him.

"I think it may have already been," she said, "Remus, you know the rumors: that every year there are a few first year students summoned to Dumbledore's office because the Sorting Hat suspects, can't prove, but believes, those students may have been 'influenced' into choosing their House?"

He nodded. He'd heard those rumors. And it was not uncertain _which _House people most frequently suspected had gained some of its students through compulsion.

"When it's looking inside your mind, the Sorting Hat also looks for signs like lapses in memory, difficulty concentrating, and confusion. In order to be placed in a House, you have to be able to choose freely. So if the Hat has any suspicions, you're given another chance to decide."

"And you still chose Slytherin?"

She smiled wryly.

"The Sorting Hat said I could have made a good Hufflepuff. Apparently, I'm very loyal."

* * *

><p><em>Expecto Patronus<em> had been his favorite spell to teach.

"Okay, now in order to summon a patronus, you have to think of something or someone that makes you very happy. It can't just be any memory. It has to be a really special one."

She closed her eyes and muttered the incantation. A rare, joyfully serene expression passed over her features.

From her wand emerged the shimmering figure of a leopard the color of snow. It slinked majestically above their heads, examining its claws and yawning.

"What did you think of? If you don't mind me asking."

"I was thinking of Andromeda…my other sister. When we were younger, she taught me how to fly on a broomstick."

"You have another sister?"

"She was my closest family. But our parents don't acknowledge her anymore. They disowned her because she married a muggleborn."

She asked him, "What about you, when you summon your patronus, what do you think about?"

"I think about all my friends. I'm lucky to have them."

He hadn't told her that, in his mind, those friends included her. Instead, he said, "I'm a little surprised that your patronus is a leopard."

"Why is that?"

"Well you said you could have been a Hufflepuff, because of loyalty. But cats aren't exactly known for being loyal."

"Well, maybe they're not loyal to _everyone_."

* * *

><p>The Unforgivable Curses had been the subject of the day's lesson in school. A group of Slytherin boys had gathered outside in the hall, mocking the professor. From behind him, Remus heard a nasally, self-important voice.<p>

"…I don't even know why it's included as one of the so-called Unforgivable Curses. From what I hear, the person _likes _being told what to do. That just goes to show that some people are born to obey."

Remus Lupin turned around and punched Lucius Malfoy's face. His friends moved quickly as a spray of curses returned in their direction. James Potter held him back as Remus brandished his wand against Lucius's counterattack.

"Hey, what was that about?" James asked after they'd retreated to the Gryffindor common room.

He'd muttered some string of incoherent statements about Lucius Malfoy being a git and having it coming.

* * *

><p>"I'll fight it," she said, "I'm not afraid."<p>

"But I can't do that to you, Narcissa."

"How will I ever know if I'm strong enough to repel it, if we don't practice…?"

"You are strong, enough," He locked his eyes on hers, as if lending her all his belief. "You _are._"

* * *

><p>She held a larger stack of papers and she knocked repeatedly on the door of the dormitory. Sirius Black met her with a dark expression.<p>

"What are you doing here?" asked Sirius.

"Where's Remus? Professor Mcgonngal said he was out sick. But he's already missed so many days…do you know what's happened to him?"

"You shouldn't be in Gryffindor Tower, _cousin," _Sirius spoke the word as if it were poison. "Don't ever come here again, if you know what's good for you."

Later that afternoon, Remus found the bundle left in the Common Room with his name on it: a stack full of notes for all the Astrology, Potions, and History classes he had missed in the past three months.

* * *

><p>Their two figures were silhouettes against the long, narrow windows. Outside, the sun was setting on the fallen snow, casting blue shadows.<p>

"We can't keep meeting like this."

"I know. People are starting to become suspicious of us."

"But there's so much I still should know."

"I know. That's why I meant to give you this."

It was his Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook, not like any other textbook purchased for the class, but one that contained all his notes from his years at Hogwarts. There were sections underlined, crossed out, and revised with scribbles in the margins. The back of the book held several reams of paper illustrating the steps of different counter-curses.

She clutched the gift in her arms before placing it in the bottom of her bag. Then she rushed forward to embrace him. As they held each other tightly, he felt a tear roll onto his cheek.

"Take care of yourself, okay?"

"You take care of yourself."

The last thing he remembered was the smell of her hair and flowers.

* * *

><p>She existed the shop walking a step behind her husband. Past Lucius's shoulder, she turned her head and met Remus's eyes.<p>

There was deep sadness in her eyes, but vast resolve as well. The edges of her lips turned upward as she nodded, conveying a message he was sure was meant for him.

That fall, as he walked through the rows of his students, he glanced down at Draco Malfoy's textbook to find his own handwriting in its margins.


	2. Chapter 2

_Last night I dreamt I had forgotten my name_

_'Cause I had sold my soul but awoke just the same_

_I'm so lonely_

_I wish I was the moon tonight_

-Neko Case, I Wish I was the Moon

* * *

><p>Under the light of the moon, Lucius slept untroubled. The full moon, in contrast, made her feel edgy, searching out for something at the brink of her awareness. Full moon nights always made her think of <em>him<em>. Where was he? Was he safe or in danger? Alone or a part of some kind of pack?

Of course she had put together that Remus Lupin was a werewolf. But she could never really conceptualize it, that her friend, her sweet, intelligent, and quiet friend, could become something else. A monster, a bloodthirsty and dark demon, or was it just an animal, a part of nature? She had never been frightened of him, just worried for him, and curious. When he was that other thing, where did he go?

She wondered again, when she caught her pale reflection in the light of the widow, what was she? An animal? A monster? Just Narcissa? Black or Malfoy?

For all she sometimes disagreed with her relatives, she believed in family and in tradition, that on some level like attracts like and blood attracts blood. She would do anything to protect her own.

But this…whatever it was her "own" had become during the War, with the masks of white, the circling together in the dead of night, the hunting after muggles and muggleborns, it was lower than blood. It was something subhuman, beneath her dignity.

On these nights, weird and gusty with light shining through darkness, she thought of him and how he had believed that she would never yield. That she had the strength of will to resist. Sometimes she did resist, keeping some inner motives and choices for herself. But other times, she had again those lapses in her memory, that sense of being nothing. She would feel confused, like when she was a child and always well-behaved.

Then she would take out his book and trace the words he had underlined.

**"The Imperius Curse"**

"The _Imperius Curse _is the only one of the Unforgivable Curses that can be defended against. The victim of the curse finds it hard to recognize the curse for what it is because the victim feels an overwhelming state of peace, comfort, and freedom from responsibility. Ones personal needs and misgivings fade away as long as its orders are obeyed. However, when the curse is removed, the victim will recall what he or she has done and will experience pain and confusion commensurate to his or her actions. Resisting the Imperius Curse requires awareness, willpower, and integrity."

_Awareness, willpower, and integrity. _

What did those words even mean, exactly? The book said the curse could be resisted, but it was so vague on how. Sometimes, she thought it would be easier to shut out the pain and let herself forget what she knew was right and let someone else tell her what to be.

But then she would remember Remus, how he had believed in her. Her cousin, who she could believe was a rebel, but not a killer. Her son, who she had to stay present for. She would remember too, the War, scenes of horror and the true face of the man she was married to and did not love. In those memories, her pain would return, but so would her self.

* * *

><p>Draco grimaced when she gave him the book from her school years.<p>

"It's all old and tatty. Someone already wrote all over it."

"But you see, whoever had this book before you knew much more about Defense Against the Dark Arts. If you follow the notes, you'll perform better in class than anyone else."

She hoped he would at least spend some time reading it. She wasn't giving him the book because she wanted him to have an unfair advantage on his tests. Cheating at schoolwork was something she did not endorse. Cheating at surviving was something else all together and one of a handful of Slytherin values she stood firmly behind.

She wanted Draco to learn everything he could about the subject because she sensed in her bones that the time was coming when such knowledge would be sorely needed again. Her son had grown up enamored with Lucius's ideals about blood purity but in ignorance of what Voldemort truly was, what it meant to be a Death Eater or to be the target of one. She prayed he would never gain such experience, but if the time came, she wanted him to be ready, or at least readier than she had been.

However, there were other reasons for giving him that book, she knew, more sentimental and even treacherous ones. Some part of her was hoping she might run into Remus Lupin again, now that he was on the staff of Hogwarts. She wanted him to remember her, to know that she still remembered him. And she wanted him to see what she was trusting him with: the training of her son.

* * *

><p>Remus thought of Narcissa every single time Draco Malfoy handed in a homework assignment or completed a test question with an answer that copied his own writings word for word.<p>

The book, it seemed to Remus Lupin, was more than just a book. It was a message. An injunction. Maybe a provocation.

_Teach him to defend himself_. Or: _I remember you. I still carry with me what you gave to me_. Or maybe: _Don't you see? We're in this together_.

He would think about why they weren't really together, why they both had drifted apart without much resistance.

The most obvious reason was the "noble" one, that he had wanted to keep her safe from his lycanthropy. He'd told her many times that he didn't want to hurt her, but that wasn't entirely true. He'd had nightmares of devouring her, of making her like him, nightmares that had made him want to protect her from himself. At the same time, to be entirely honest, he'd wanted to protect himself from her rejection if she knew the truth.

But, somehow, he suspected she already knew his secret and had simply chosen not to bring it up. Maybe it was those notes she had made for his missing classes. Or maybe it was just that she had always seemed quietly perceptive. Perhaps she knew as well as he did that it would have come between them and that was why she, too, had drifted apart.

However, there was another reason that had stopped him during his school days from being with her in public, that had made him all-too-willing to meet only in secret: his sense of loyalty to James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter.

As one of the Marauders, he had gone along with things that he disapproved of, like the bullying of Severus, just because he wanted to be accepted. He had always chosen to stick to his core group rather than cross the lines of House rivalry. Was that why he had not been more open about his feelings for Narcissa?

Interestingly enough, the Sorting Hat had pegged him for a possible Hufflepuff too. It located him somewhere between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff, with bravery competing with yet intermingling with a desire to belong. Between blood loyalty, House loyalty, and loyalty to friends, he supposed it was a wonder Hufflepuff ever gained any new members.

Would his friends really have minded if he was friends with a Slytherin girl from the House of Black? Where were they now to judge him? One of them was a convict and two of them were dead. He'd been loyal, and yet he was still alone.

He stared out the window of his office overlooking the Quidditch field.

"Hey James…" said Remus self-deprecatingly "I don't know if you know this, but I happen to be stupidly obsessed with a certain Narcissa Black Malfoy. It has been years since I have even spoken to her and now I suddenly can't stop thinking about her. What should I do?"

A voice inside answered, probably his own sarcastic approximation of James. _"Something reckless." _

Remus rolled his eyes. James Potter would have never approved of Narcissa Malfoy. Or would he?

It returned again, that familiar voice he'd never been able to turn down before. _"Remus Lupin. Are you a Marauder or not?"_

* * *

><p>He had summoned Draco Malfoy to his office after class. The third-year student who resembled so much both Narcissa and Lucius stood before him looking confused and a bit frightened.<p>

"Am I in trouble?"

Remus leaned back in his desk chair, projecting a demeanor of warmth and encouragement as much as possible.

"No, not at all! I just noticed you have been doing _exceptionally_ well in class. So well, to be fair, I thought that you might not be getting enough of a challenge out of the material. That's why I was thinking of giving you an extra assignment: thirty points to Slytherin if you can bring me a report with the definition and defense strategies for these twenty curses."

"Professor Lupin?" Draco looked at him like he was certain his teacher was insane.

"Of course, I'm sorry, I meant thirty-five points."

He handed his bewildered student a list of all the favored curses that had been used by the Death Eaters during the war, including some curses that Lupin had been on the receiving end of.

* * *

><p>That autumn, around fall break, her owl brought her a small, wrapped box and a letter.<p>

She opened the letter, and immediately recognized the handwriting that she had studied so many times in the dead of night searching for answers.

"To my favorite student: Here is one weapon that's always helped me in the fight against the Dark Arts."

It was a emerald-colored box of chocolates from Honeydukes.

"It didn't know whether you like them sweet or dark, so I got you a little of both."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes: <strong>

**I know I've left it a bit cryptic as to whether Narcissa is actually under the Imperius Curse My interpretation is that she was brought up using the Imperius Curse as a child, and as a result her mental processing abilities and sense of self are impaired and she has a kind of habituated response to command. **

**The title of this story is a reference to the great novel by Jane Austen in which an aristocratic woman yields to the persuasions of her prejudiced family instead of following her heart and marrying the man she loves. Later on, when the heroine and hero meet again, there's the typical Jane Austen references to all different meanings of the word "persuasion." There are also many letters in Austen's **_**Persuasion,**_** so maybe there will be some letters in this story too? **


	3. Chapter 3

_I'm Nobody! Who are you?  
>Are you- Nobody- too?<em>

-Emily Dickinson, I'm Nobody! Who are you?

* * *

><p>"<em>I can't believe I wrote that letter. I mean talk about reckless and stupid! Why do I ever listen to you?"<br>_

"_Please, Moony, you never did a thing I suggested that you didn't already at least kind of want to do yourself!"_

Remus sighed. Either the undead spirit of James Potter or his own dead-on mental impersonation was getting to him. He really needed better company.

He heard a fluttering of wings knocking at the window of his apartment. His heart suddenly leaping, he jolted to the window to let in his owl and retrieve the parchment tied to her leg.

_Dear Professor,_

_Thank you for the delicious chocolates. I suppose that a person could use all the chocolates they can get, what with all the dementors out this time of year. _

_A wise friend once said to me that the best way to fight dementors was through happy memories, so I am trying to think of happier times. Do you remember visiting Hogsmeade, our third year? I remember how we still were so excited to try butterbeer. You must have been a little tipsy because I still remember you- and a few other miscreants I could mention- doing a terrible Celestina Warbeck imitation. It was fun to see the teachers getting in on the horrible singing as well. _

_Those times really felt like they would last forever, but now I fear so many of us ended up trapped someplace dark. But I hope wherever you are, you are happy and safe._

* * *

><p>The immolating moonlight pierced through the shafts of the Shrieking Shack. He screamed as his bones cracked and his hair stood on end. His throat burned with want for warm blood while that which was still himself burned with loneliness.<p>

Against the stones in the dark room, he lay with his head on the floor. He let his soul plummet into some deep part of himself while the inevitable victory came of the beast over the human.

* * *

><p><em>My dear student,<em>

_Yes, of course I remember that trip to Hogsmeade. I __think you had a pink scarf, with black unicorns on it. Or was that another year? My memory is unclear. Perhaps I am not your dear professor at all but an imposter under Polyjuice Potion! We will need to come up with a code, so we can be sure. It must be a question that no one else knows the answer to._

_My students this year are as rambunctious as we ever were. Or maybe, when I think about it, we were even worse! These students certainly grew up in wake of more serious times than we did. It is brightening to see their pluck and vivacity, if a bit strange to be on the opposite side of the mischief. One of my students seems especially bright and determined to succeed, not unlike another precocious student I could recall._

_This year I am giving them a bit of a creative assignment: facing down a bogart. It is not as horrifying as that sounds, as I am encouraging them to resist their fears through humor and by turning the things that scare them into something silly. _

_I hope that you are not finding this season too cold and dark and not only thinking of past memories but of the things in your life now that bring you happiness._

* * *

><p>He rolled towards her and caressed her side.<p>

"Cissy…"

She pushed him away.

"Narcissa…"

"No."

He slapped her. Her cheek stinging, she refused to cry.

"_No," _she snarled.

"_Mrs. Malfoy. My wife…"_

A cold wave of serenity passed over her as she glided towards him and submitted.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Professor,<em>

_I am happy to hear that your students are doing well. Personally, I sometimes wish that I could also teach. With all my experience in fighting the Dark Arts, I feel that there is much advice I could give to young witches and wizards that I wish I had received myself._

_You are right. It is important to not only think of memories, but also of happy things in the present. I think the thing that makes me the happiest is that "precocious student" you referred to earlier. I'm glad to hear that he is doing well._

_As for a question to prove who I am? That is easy. You are the only man alive who knows what my patronus is. But what shall I know about you that no one else knows?_

* * *

><p>He drew the pen from the inkwell and wrote thoughtfully.<p>

"_Hm… a secret that would prove my identity in case of betrayal? That is difficult to come up with, for I fear all my once-well-kept secrets are already known to criminals, traitors, and malcontents. _

_But I think there is something about me that only you know."_

"…_that is the identity of the one woman I have always loved."_

_"No James, I am not writing that!"_

"_But it works perfectly with all your clever and extremely nerdy flirtations! Do you want her to die without even knowing how you feel?"_

"_He's right, Remus. You have to tell her."_

"_Lily?! You're getting in on the peer pressure, too?" _

* * *

><p>Narcissa opened the box. It was a small bottle containing a silver, hair-like wisp.<p>

It was nearing nightfall when she walked through the walls of maze-like garden. She followed the circle of white flowers into the center, where she kept her penseive. The waters of the penseive shone indigo-blue, ripples moving over her reflection as she dropped the silver tendril into its depths.

The memory was of the last time they met at Hogwarts. It was the moment when she had held him and then let him go. He watched her walk away, and she watched herself through his eyes, feeling what was in his heart.

His gentleness. His fear of hurting her.

His passion. His desire to have her.

His agony. His misery at losing her.

His hope. His eager, bashful, exhausting, indefatigable hope.

* * *

><p>She dashed off a reply.<p>

"_Dear Professor,_

_Meet me at M. Puddifoot's next Thursday at 7? I fear I am terribly out of practice in all defensive maneuvers." _


	4. Chapter 4

"_The most fundamental thing about a person is desire. It defines them. Tell me what a __person wants, truly wants, and I'll tell you who they are, and how to persuade them." _

― Max Barry, _Lexicon_

* * *

><p>Narcissa fretted over how she wanted to look when she met him. Like the girl Remus had known? Or like a wife? Someone else?<p>

She teased at her hair, brushing it to one side so that it appeared all blonde, then pulled it up for a style that exposed the dark roots.

She placed in the dresser her wedding ring, a hugely expensive red crystal and a gold setting shaped like a spider. A white circle remained where the ring had been, stark white even against her pale skin. Lucius, she knew, would not be home until at least nightfall. Thursday nights Lucius always had meetings that lasted into late hours and probably involved more drinking and carousing with aging Deatheaters than actual business planning.

And what to wear, she asked herself, something from her Hogwarts days, if there was anything left she would still fit into? Or something bequeathed from Lucius according to his tastes? She chose a simple outfit, a black top and a gray skirt, and in her ears she wore white pearls. She applied her signature red lipstick, one part of herself she could remember always having.

She looked bewildered at the mirror, questioning what in the world she was doing, and then, taking a deep, steadying breath, apparated to Hogsmeade.

* * *

><p>Remus Lupin put on a new red sweater, one of the few "luxuries" he'd bought with his teaching salary so that he could wear something when he met her that was not completely worn and frumpy. He brushed his hair, trying to fix the unruly locks into place. He was so old now, he observed to himself, as he looked at his reflection. What if she was expecting someone like the Marauder he used to be, not that he'd ever been as sprightly as Sirius or James?<p>

It was impossible, he thought. All the excitement and anxiety he was feeling, every stupid question that crossed his mind about what it would be like to see her, it was all based in something that could not be real. She was married to a Death Eater, to begin with. She was also pureblooded, beautiful, powerful…and just a friend. He was a werewolf, jeopardizing her not just because of the inherent danger of his affliction but also because if whatever they were doing were exposed it would doubly ruin her.

Besides, her letter could not be implying what he thought she was implying. Maybe she really did have some Dark Arts related fears and want to brush up on "defensive maneuvers." That was more likely than that she returned his feelings…which was impossible.

"_It's because it's so impossible that you actually made a move!"_ said the voice of James. _"Now all you have to do to get through the date is remember there is no way it could ever work out!"_

* * *

><p>He arrived only a few minutes after she apparated. When she first saw him she felt like she could hardly speak.<p>

"Hi?"

"Hi."

"How are you?"

I'm doing well, how are you."

"I'm good. And school is going well? Teaching, I mean?"

"Oh, yes. I've been very busy."

"Thank you for meeting me here."

"It was my pleasure."

She couldn't help but blushing, knowing now the way that he felt. His emotions, they had been so overpowering. Suddenly, it was like his every gesture just made her more aware of his feelings. Could he read her so easily too? Did he see the way he made her so full of nervousness and longing, just by looking at her that way?

Both Remus and Narcissa where generally reserved. It had been the shared project of practicing Defense Against the Dark Arts that had given them a common place of conversation. She felt that he knew more about her than anyone and yet that they didn't know each other at all.

"It's been such a long time since I've ever been in Madame Pudifoot's, it's hard to believe," Narcissa opened the door for him.

"I don't think I've ever been to Madame Pudifoot's, to be honest. Heard a lot about it though."

They entered the frilly, pink-painted little teashop. The waitress sat them in a screened corner and they ordered separate pots of tea, "White Cinnamon Sage" for Remus and "Jasmine Dragon Pearls" for Narcissa.

She sipped her tea with an air of satisfaction. "I know what we should do. We should read each other's tea leaves. When I'm finished, you can tell me what my leaves look like."

He peered into the bottom of the cup. He tried to discern any shapes in of the mass of herbal-smelling leaves.

"I see...um, a swamp, maybe? Or maybe a serpent? Do you see the way those leaves there are coiled up?

"A serpent? Well there's no way _that_ could be an ominous sign."

Remus backtracked quickly. "No…it's um, probably a positive sign- of rebirth and transformation! Because of the way that a snake sheds its skin?"

Narcissa raised her eyebrows, amused. "I guess that's one way to look at it."

"Well, what do you see in my tea cup?"

She squinted at the bottom of the cup . "I see…um…leaves…falling leaves? Autumn leaves? Leaves of a tree? A family tree?"

"You think that tea leaves look like leaves?"

"What can I say, I must not be able to 'see the beyond.'"

"I wouldn't know about that," said Remus, pouring himself another draught.

* * *

><p>Later, they walked around retracing some of the sites from their school days. It felt almost like they were ghosts, she thought, haunting their past selves. But then, she couldn't remember ever visiting Hogsmeade on such a perfect day, with a mixture of sunshine and autumn crispness in the air, and she had never fully appreciated its homey, Christmas-card-like beauty. They stopped at the edge of the village to look at the mountains. She smiled wistfully.<p>

"Remus. I really wanted to thank you for what you gave me. That memory, I mean, of that day. I wanted to let you know that I remember it the same. I mean, the way that you remember it, that's also how I…"

He interrupted her. "Lucius doesn't know about any of this, right?"

"Can we not talk about Lucius? She whispered, "Just for now. Just…"

"It's okay," he said, "I'm glad I came out here. It was fun. Do you want…would you like to do this again sometime?"

"Could we meet again this time next week?"

"The middle of next week doesn't really work for me."

"Oh, right. Because, um…"

He turned away. "Because I'm a werewolf. You can say it. We shouldn't be afraid of a name, as Dumbledore would say."

"Really? Because I've been afraid of names my whole life."

"Are you afraid of me? I mean, knowing what I am."

"Well…my patronus _is_ a cat," Narcissa smiled playfully, "so I suppose I'm absolutely _terrified _of Dolorus Umbridge."

Genuine concern flashed in his eyes. "Narcissa."

"I don't know! I don't know that much about lycanthropy. For so long I've done what seemed safe and easy. But what seemed safe and easy has never turned out to be that way."

* * *

><p>The girl sat in Dumbledore's office, the Sorting Hat judging her from atop her head.<p>

"You need to decide for yourself," the Hat had implored.

"I _have_ to be a Slytherin," the girl thought anxiously, "Please don't keep me out. I can't be disowned, disgraced, please."

"I still say you're a better candidate for Hufflepuff," said the Sorting Hat, "A true Slytherin always goes after what _she _wants. You don't even know what you want, Narcissa Black, just what everyone else wants for you."

"_Slytherin," _the woman thought, as she pressed her lips against Remus's skin, feeling his heart thudding against her in response. "_If I could choose all over again, it would be Slytherin."_

* * *

><p>It went on that way for a while. They would meet during the few secure moments they could steal. When they couldn't meet, they would write letters or send little jars. The jars would contain memories of these moments: a joke, a kiss, or simply being together.<p>

She began to keep a collection of other memories too, jewelry boxes each containing a wisp of some part of herself that she wanted to hold on to.

Andromeda, her sister, her sister who was her best friend and was still somewhere alive.

Bellatrix, who was not always like this, not so bad, not like this.

Sirius, her friend once too, when they were children, and he had been her bravest protector.

Draco, at every age. Just Draco.

Hogwarts, her home. The place where she was only Narcissa.

She made copies also of the memories that she both did and did not want: of the House of Black, and of the War, and of Lucius, the man he really was. Memories of what she had done and what she agreed to have done to her for reasons she could not quite claim.

She kept all these memories in a cupboard in the garden's shed, a cupboard protected by the strongest magic she could produce.

For him, the most beautiful silvery tendril received was not a memory, but a lock of her white-blonde hair, "For when I can't be there," written on the note that came with it.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thank you to everyone so far who has read, reviewed, favorited, or followed. **


	5. Chapter 5

_Can you cook and sew  
><em>_Make flowers grow?  
><em>_Do you understand my pain?  
><em>_Are you willing to risk it all  
><em>_Or is your love in vain?_

-Bob Dylan, Is Your Love in Vain?

* * *

><p>Druella Black chatted amiably with Abraxas Malfoy in her drawing room. To an onlooker, their polite, energetic conversation would not seem to be over anything particularly serious. They made small talk about the conditions of the Ministry and laughed over gossip concerning old friends, the dark-haired Black matriarch extending all the civility and hospitality she could while never for a moment losing sight of the real reason Abraxas was there.<p>

"Come, dear," said Druella at a pause in their conversation. "There is someone who would like to meet you."

The small girl entered the room dressed in a lacy lemon-colored dress, her silky black hair held back in a bow. She curtseyed at Abraxas and smiled with an air of tranquility verging on dim-wittedness.

"Please, sit." The girl sat with legs crossed on the sofa behind the low table, not looking at either of the adults' faces but at a point on the opposite wall beyond them.

"Narcissa, is it? Is she really everything you claim?" Abraxas smirked and stroked his short blonde beard.

Druella touched the child's cheek. "Yes, her bloodline is immaculate, as you must be aware. The Blacks can be traced back twenty generations, not a squib in the line. As a matter of fact, she has never been exposed to any muggle children or mudbloods for that matter."

Abraxas frowned. "But that will change when she enters Hogwarts."

The Black matriarch stirred her tea, her impassive expression demonstrating why the reputed motto of the women of House of Black was "Manners, Breeding, and Occlumency."

"She is excited be attending the school of Salazar Slytherin. As, I've been informed, so will be your son."

Abraxas leaned toward the girl who was sitting with her hands in her lap.

"She is exquisite. But can she _do _anything?"

"She can cook, sew, play the piano, garden…and I think you'll find that she's very obedient."

Abraxas grinned. Standing up, he shook the woman's hand.

"I'm quite impressed, Madame Black. You have done an excellent job with this one. Unfortunately, we are searching for a blonde."

* * *

><p>Lucius Malfoy opened his newspaper to a page with the large headline: "WEREWOLF PROFESSOR QUITS HOGWARTS POST"<p>

Draco frowned as he looked at the moving photograph of Dumbledore surrounded by angry parents. "Professor Lupin is a werewolf?"

"The madness of Dumbledore, hiring a monster to teach our children! I always knew Remus Lupin was filth! Can you believe it, Narcissa?"

Narcissa looked at Lucius silently.

"Well, say something!"

"No, I can't believe it." She emptied her plate into the sink.

* * *

><p>They met half a week later in a park frequented mostly by Muggles.<p>

"I'm so sorry," she said, "For what it's worth you were the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher I ever had."

"I had to know it couldn't last. The Defense post isn't known for job security."

"I know but I hoped." She slid her hand on top of his.

"Me too." He squeezed her hand.

She reached into her handbag at her side. "I brought you this. It was all I could make for now."

He recognized immediately the potion by the smoky texture, the blue color, and the rancid smell of aconite.

Potions had always been Narcissa's best class. That was because Potions utilized the domestic arts of shopping, cooking, and gardening, and because, whereas other classes required physical daring or clever logical leaps, the secret to successful potions-making was the ability to follow exact instructions.

"You can't do this for me. If Lucius found you with this, he could kill you."

"I can't let you suffer!"

"It's not worth the risk. Wolf's Bane isn't a cure. It alleviates the symptoms, but nothing can stop the transformation. And I've lived without it before."

"I know, but I remember from our classes that if you take this you can still think for yourself."

He moved away from her, his eyes downcast. "You can't…"

She held his gaze with that challenging look she had sometimes used when they had practiced curses and counter-curses in the Room of Requirement. "I can and I will."

* * *

><p>She heard again Lucius's pitched breathing, the little cries he made as he sat with his back to her as if he could hide the mark snaking up his forearm glowing a reawakened green.<p>

Nightmare images shot through her mind as she, too, struggled to breathe: The night that Bellatrix had first proudly displayed the mark that would bind her to its twisted path. The skull and serpent rising above scenes of carnage in the weeks before Draco's birth. How foolishly eager her son would be to have a mark of his own and how he would pay for that foolishness as so many of her classmates had paid.

Her mind returned to the contents of her Defense Against the Dark Arts book, this time thinking of the relatively neat entry that has fewer markings and underlines than all the rest.

"**Lycanthrope**: According to ancient myth, a werewolf or 'lycanthrope' was once believed to be a man who signed a pact with the Devil, gaining inhuman strength and vitality in return for his humanity…"

She watched Lucius out of the corner of her eye and refused to move.

_But he wasn't the one who sold his soul to the Dark Lord. You were, Lucius. You're the one who's damned us all._

* * *

><p>Remus was desperate to see her again. She hadn't been responding as quickly to his letters and he was concerned about her as wellbeing as much as he missed her.<p>

When they met, he kissed her softly, but she responded coldly, as if she was far away. Immediately, he picked up on the charge in her demeanor as he noticed the look of exhaustion and bewilderment on her face.

"Narcissa! What is it?"

"I don't know…I don't know _anything_."

"What…..what happened?"

"I can't…"

"Just tell me, I'm right here."

Narcissa began sobbing.

"He's coming back, Remus. Lucius's mark! He's…I can't let him have Draco…but I can't, I can't…"

"I know, Narcissa…" He held her tightly. "I told you I was there when Pettigrew returned, remember? I should have known it was that rat who betrayed us and not Sirius!"

Her eyes shot open. "Sirius! Remus, is he okay? He's not…they didn't…?"

"He's free. He's in hiding." A look of surprise crossed Remus's face. "You knew the he was innocent?"

"I knew that Sirius would never, ever, ever betray you lot. Not Sirius. He wasn't like me, Remus. He would never give in, not matter what they did to him."

As he watched her resting on his couch, he heard the outraged voice of his old friend.

_What are you thinking, Moony? Are you just going to let that bastard destroy her and her kid? _

_I can't corrupt her. I can't turn her into an outcast. I can't put her in that kind of danger._

For once, the voice of James made no reply.

* * *

><p>She clutched the note she had received from Remus: <em>"<em>_To follow his example, go to the first place from which he escaped."_

Narcissa told Draco to pack a bag. She said they were going on a short vacation to visit old family.

She held her son's hand as she focused on her memories of the high, rusted gates of one of the last places she would have ever imagined seeking refuge.

* * *

><p>Lucius Malfoy found no one home when he returned to Malfoy Manor. When the hours passed and neither Narcissa nor Draco were anywhere to be seen, he grew increasingly suspicious, confused, and furious.<p>

"_Secutus_!" Lucius shouted the tracking spell as he held his wand aloft. "Find Narcissa."

A glowing trail of orange light pointed from his wand into the yard. He followed it through the gates of the garden, into a maze of flowers, all the way to the shed. The trail stopped at a cupboard where his wife was nowhere to be seen.

Lucius worked tirelessly at the spells that surrounded the cupboard like a thick mist. It took all his knowledge and strength to pry through the complex net of barriers. At a last command of "Alohomora!" the cupboard door swung open to show row after row of jewelry boxes.


	6. Chapter 6

_Indeed, we are but shadows; we are not endowed with real life, and all that seems most real about us is but the thinnest substance of a dream- till the heart be touched. That touch creates us- then we begin to be._

-Nathaniel Hawthorne to Sophia Peabody

* * *

><p>Narcissa Malfoy and Draco Malfoy arrived at the gates of Grimmauld Place. Before she could approach the door, Sirius Black emerged looking about a hundred years older than the last time she had seen him. His hair was bedraggled, his eyes sunken and riveted, and he held his wand out with an expression of pure malice.<p>

Remus followed after quickly, pushing his friend aside to grab Narcissa's arm before a duel could begin. "She's okay, Sirius. I invited her here."

Sirius snarled. "You _invited _her here? Are you out of your mind?"

"She needed a place to go with the Death Eaters reforming."

"Remus, I know what the 'Most Ancient and Noble House of Black' is capable of. We can't trust her."

Remus glared exasperatedly at his friend. "Sirius, _you're _from the House of Black."

"_I _would have never joined the Death Eaters!"

"I'm _not _a Death Eater." Narcissa took a step towards her cousin, rolled up her sleeve, and held out the bare skin of her arm.

"She chose her side, Remus. And don't try to defend it by saying the Malfoys were under the Imperius Curse. Not even the Minister believes that."

"Sirius, that's _enough_."

Suddenly, an owl plunged at Narcissa. Into Narciss'a hands the owl dropped a note written on the same stationary as her Hogwarts Invitation letter.

_Dearest Narcissa, I am pleased you have found your way to our humble headquarters. I can only imagine the efforts you have made to get here and I look forward to seeing you again after so long. As head of the Order of the Phoenix, I offer you and Draco my protection and welcome you here as long as needed. _

_Sincerely,_

_Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore_

The door to Grimmuald Place swung softly open as she took its handle. Draco sneered. "Mom, what's going on? Why are we staying with a blood traitor and a dark creature?"

"Draco, shush."

She carried her baggage upstairs. Above the stairs the portrait of Walburga Black shrieked. "Cissy noooo! How could you! You were our last hope, the final, finest flower of our branch!"

Narcissa hurried past the portrait of her dead aunt. "Oh, shut up."

* * *

><p>They had a hushed conversation in his room.<p>

"Sirius shouldn't have said those things."

"He hates me. It's like when he looks at me all he sees is Lucius's wife."

"You know, when we were Marauders, Sirius talked about you all the time. You and Andromeda were the only ones he really missed of his family. But, Narcissa, he spent twelve years in a prison designed to take away all his happy memories. You don't think some of those memories were of you?"

"It feels like any happy memories of us were from really long ago. Even that time when I brought your make-up notes from school, he was so angry, Remus. But I'm not even mad at him. All these years he's the one who's cared for you and kept your secret, so I can understand why he would be so protective."

"It never occurred to you that Sirius might have been trying to protect you from _me_?"

It took her a second to piece together what he was saying. "Remus, no! Don't even think that!"

"How can I not? He's seen what I am… and, well…you're his family, Narcissa."

"You're his family too! He's right about me, Remus. I could betray you if they wanted me to. I would never have come here if it weren't the only way to try to keep Draco from being marked. I'm putting you both at risk and it's incredibly selfish."

"I'm happy you're here. So I must be selfish too." He embraced her, clasping her with strength that belied his longing to keep her protected.

"I'm sorry about what Draco called you. But Lucius started so early with all that and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Maybe I should have tried harder to influence him but I didn't want to…"

"You _did _influence him. I wasn't lying about his strength in defense against the dark arts and Draco also has your pride and your resourcefulness."

* * *

><p>She found her son sulking in the room that had once belonged to Regulus.<p>

"You can't tell me what to do! I'll run away! You can't turn me into a _blood traitor!_"

"Draco, please. Try to understand. If the Dark Lord is coming back, then we aren't safe with Lucius anymore."

"I thought you were loyal to dad, but you're no worse than _them_! You really believe all those Griffindor lies about how everything the Death Eaters fought for was wrong!"

"You only know what your father told you about the war. You think that being a Death Eater is something exciting…something _glorious…_"

A tone of deep regret and tiredness entered her voice.

"Draco. I never wanted to have to show you this, but I think now is the time that you need to see it."

She walked down the corridor into a velvet-enclosed chamber she knew from her youth by its musty, corrosive scent and by its atmosphere of antiquity and never letting go.

Narcissa retrieved from her handbag one of the few of her most important memories that she had taken with her, a glittering crystal box marked "The Wizarding War of 1970."

With steady hands she poured the contents of the crystal box into the penseive of Walburga Black.

Draco watched as the tendril fell into the depths of the penseive and spread, coloring everything dark.

* * *

><p>The contemptuous expression Remus was accustomed to seeing on the face of the young wizard was replaced by shell-shocked confusion.<p>

"Those spells you gave me…they were the ones the Deatheaters used."

Remus answered evenly. "Yes."

Draco's voice pitched in terror. "What happened her, Lupin? Why didn't she even fight back…?"

"Draco…your mother loves you very much."

* * *

><p>Before Draco entered Hogwarts, Narcissa used to tell him a story every night. Narcissa treasured this time with her son because, although he was a very rambunctious kid, Draco would show a sweeter side when drowsy at bedtime.<p>

One night, when Draco was about eight, Narcissa asked, "What story do you want to hear tonight?"

"What about 'The Fountain of Fair Fortune'?"

"I'm not sure that story is appropriate," said Narcissa.

In fact, she knew it was _not _approved material, as Lucius had run a letter-writing campaign demanding that "The Fountain of Fair Fortune" be banned from Hogwarts libraries. Lucius despised that tale because it ended with a witch marrying a Muggle and Lucius believed children should not be exposed to such a horrors.

Narcissa sat against the headpost of the bed, trying to think of a story she remembered. "Okay, do you know 'The Warlock with the Hairy Heart_?' _That actually used to be my sister's favorite story to read me when I was your age. But it is a bit scary."

"Oh! Tell me the _scary _story!"

Narcissa knew the story by heart and could even picture the setting and characters in her mind's eye as cuddled up to him.

"_Once upon a time there was a rich, powerful young warlock who was very prideful and saw all emotions as weakness. One day, he decided to use magic to keep himself from ever falling in love. He cut his heart out of his body and hid it in a casket, deep in the dungeon of his old castle. Without his heart, the warlock grew more and more cold and aloof from the world." _

Draco was confused. He had never heard of magic like that before. "But how did he stay alive without his heart?"

_"Well, he used very, very Dark magic to keep the heart beating outside of his body. But because he was such a prideful warlock, he wanted to marry a beautiful witch so that everyone would envy him. The warlock tried to convince one such witch to marry him, but she refused because, she said, she didn't believe he had a heart. So he took her down to the dungeon to show her where his heart was kept. However, because the heart had been rotting down there so long, when he found it his heart was covered in a coat of thick, dark hair." _

"Ewww, that's gross!" said Draco, delighted.

"_Yes, and it gets worse. The warlock was so desperate to have the woman as his wife that he put the hairy heart back into his chest. But the hairy heart consumed the warlock and turned him into a monster. He tried cutting out his heart and taking the witch's heart to replace his own. But, without hearts, the warlock and the witch both died, the warlock holding their hearts in his hands!" _Narcissa waved her hands for dramatic emphasis.

Draco huddled under his blankets. "I don't really like this story…it needs a different ending."

"Well how would you change it?"

* * *

><p>Remus carefully apportioned his Wolf's Bane each morning. The potion took the edge off most of the symptoms that came with the time of month, aching in his joints, nausea, and prickling of the hair on his body. He supposed his anxiousness must come from his human side, because the potion had no effect on it whatsoever.<p>

Sirius had always said that no matter what the wolf did, Remus lived inside of his heart. He wondered if friend realized how much Remus's "heart" depended on the effects of Wolf's Bane more than any innate ability to control his transformations.

"_It's because of your good heart that you try so hard to resist your condition instead of using it to hurt people like Fenrir does." _Lily had always said things like that. She had been able to see the beauty in people where they couldn't always see it in themselves, much like Narcissa.

He knew it would be especially trying of his strength, having his best friend and the woman he loved in the same place. The wolf always wanted to hurt the people he was closest to, the people who helped him fight it the most.

Narciss and Sirius were still barely speaking to each other. Sirius spent most of the time lounging around, staring sullenly into space while Narcissa seemed to have made it her personal mission to clear the house of every spot of dust or mold it contained. Draco, at first, had avoided them all, but lately he had started to ask Remus more questions about defense against the dark arts.

Like Sirius, Narcissa and Draco were escapees yet still prisoners. They couldn't go far from the house without a disguise for fear of being seen by Lucius or other Death Eaters. However, Narcissa appeared more peaceful than Remus had seen her in a long time, except during the days leading up to the full moon when she was concerned about him.

"Good night, Remus," she said, when the sun set, "I mean. Um. Stay safe, okay?"

"Good night, Narcissa."

One part of him wanted to hold her and never let go, while another part of him wanted to run as far away as possible.

* * *

><p>Narcissa lay awake all night, listening to the rustling of birds and what sounded like howling on the wind.<p>

When her restlessness became too much for her, she crept downstairs, past the sleeping portrait of Walburga Black. A single candle pulsed a soft, steady light from the kitchen table. Its glow framed the outline of Sirius, who stared into the candle with his haunted black eyes.

Cagily, she circled around the room and went to make some tea. She heard him gasp as he turned his head towards her as if he had seen a shadow. She moved into a chair at the opposite corner of the kitchen, gathering herself up in her own little space.

"_I forgot how cheery this place is," _thought Narcissa.

They both instantly jumped from their places when they heard the knocking at the door.

"Who's there?" asked Sirius.

"It's me, Remus!" the voice returned.

Sirius opened the door and Remus staggered in wearing a blooded cloak and bearing several cuts across his face. Sirius took Remus's arm and guided him toward the coach in the drawing room, where Remus lay himself down.

Narcissa felt a swirl of déjà vu, the old memories of the war she had revisited in the penseive brought back by this bloody scene of Remus.

Sirius muttered, "Narcissa, leave."

"No," she countered.

Remus propped himself up with one arm pressed against his chest. "Sirius…can you give us a moment?"

Sirius looked askance at Narcissa and retreated into the kitchen.

Narcissa stayed silent for a moment, listening to Remus's harsh breathing and keeping her distance. She studied in horrified sadness what the wolf had done to him. He was so kind, she thought, such a good, brave person. It was completely unfair.

"Remus…is it always this bad?"

"Actually your Wolf's Bane was really effective," he answered in a hoarse whisper, a little color returning to his cheeks, "I don't know what Severus has been leaving out of it all these years."

"I just followed the instructions," she said, "I wish there was something more I could do."

"Could you please just stay here?"

She kneeled down beside the couch and threaded her fingers through his. They sat together as a blue light came through the windows.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Special disclaimer for my liberal retelling of "The Warlock with a Hairy Heart" from **_**The Tales of Beedle the Bard. **__**The Tales of Beedle the Bard **_**is property of J. K. Rowling and The Children's High Level Group. **


	7. Chapter 7

_The blood in man's veins may determine his destiny and, by the nature of things, come between him and his native bent, predisposition, or those deep-rooted impulses proper to character. They alone are free who suffer from no proscription, or yoke forged for them by the accidents of heredity."_

-Eden Phillpots, _Lycanthrope: The Mystery of Sir William Wolf_

* * *

><p>Lucius arrived at the country house of Druella Rosier Black, an impressive edifice that had fallen into disrepair since the death of Cygnus Black. He had sent no message to prepare Druella for his arrival but had apparated straight from his manor and stormed through her house until he found her.<p>

On an ornate chair before her fireplace she sat, weaving an embroidery that was in all likelihood connected to some kind of complex enchantment. As she sensed his entrance, she didn't bother to curse him as she would most intruders, but instead turned nonchalantly. "Excuse me, Lucius. _What _are you doing in my house?"

Lucius Malfoy blasted sparks at her mantelpiece. His face was stock-white and his habitually perfectly straightened hair ragged.

"Narcissa is gone! You promised me the perfect wife. You said she would obey me. What part of that involved taking my son and running off with a dark creature?"

"Narcissa?" Druella shook her head. "What makes you think-?"

"I found letters…" he shoved folded papers at her, "and…and _memories._" He scowled in repulsion.

A look he had never seen before crossed the face of the usually imperturbable Black matriarch, a twitching of her eyes and mouth that briefly transformed from imperviousness into insanity and quickly returned to icy calm.

"But if...but then she must be..."

Druella Black folded her velvet robe around herself and walked to an adjacent room, one that contained boarded-up portraits and upended pieces of furniture. In the back corner there was a large piece of furniture covered in a black drape. She removed the drape revealing a wardrobe.

"My sister left me with this. This is the only outside entrance into the House of Black. Sirius Black is the inheritor now of 12 Grimmauld Place, so I suspect she would be with him there."

"If you've had this entrance this whole time, why haven't you killed the blood traitor?"

Her insolent expression reminded him momentarily of his wife.

"I'm not a Death Eater and I don't care about the Order. I've been tracking the blood traitor's movements to locate another."

"_Andromeda_…" said Lucius, his voice betraying his wrecked confidence in his mother-in-law's ability to manage her line, "You really have a way with your daughters."

"No, this one is different. This one _will _return to you. I promise that."

Lucius shot her an unconvinced glance. "Just remember the Malfoys are the only ones keeping your family from bankruptcy. I want her to have nothing do with that werewolf, do you understand?"

She held up a single hand as she stared into the black abyss of the wardrobe. "You will have Narcissa. But we'll have to wait until after the full moon, when they will be most weakened."

* * *

><p>In the quiet of the dawn she felt a chill on the back of her neck. Then she heard an explosion as blue sparks lit up the drawing room.<p>

She saw her mother rushing into the room, wearing a cloak of scarlet, with Lucius close behind, his movements fluid yet brutal in intent. Remus!" she screamed.

Lucius directed the white flash of an entrail-expelling curse at Remus. She countered "Impedimenta!" and the curse rebounded off the bookshelf, pages flying off the shelf as books were torn to shreds.

"Imper-!" Druella started.

"Expelliarmus," Remus shot back, getting on his feet, "Protego!" He wrapped one arm around Narcissa and with the other arm waved the design of a protective bubble around her.

Druella hissed, "Crucio!"

Remus twisted to the ground beside her. He twitched as his wounds reopened, his howls of pain coming from the lingering savage place within himself.

Druella moved towards her daughter, her wand lowered. "How could you betray your family for such filth?"

Narcissa turned from Remus to face her mother, tears running down her cheeks. "How could _you_ use the Imperius Curse on your own _daughter_?"

"I couldn't fail with you as I failed with Andromeda! And you were always such a rare beauty, I wasn't going to do anything to damage you physically."

"Unlike what you did to my _mind_?"

"It was never very sharp to begin with, dear, not that intelligence matters in a pure blood girl."

Lucius smoothed off his robe and held himself up by the height of his cane. He sneered, "Narcissa, we are leaving."

"Imperio!" her mother said, "_You will do as your husband tells you." _

Her whole body shook with rage.

"No! That _man_…is not…is not…my...my…"

A wave of dizziness washed over her, her rage crashing against painful longing. She felt the world tilt on its side as she fainted.

Out of the corner of her consciousness, she saw a shadow appear, the up-side-down figure of a man coming closer, darkness backed by the sun-lit window.

"You!" Druella focused in on him with all the fury of her twisted features "You're the one who poisoned her! It wasn't enough for you to abandon the House of Black on your own, you had to drag down the rest of your blood!"

"How's this for 'House of Black'?" shouted Sirius, "_Avada Kadavra_!"

* * *

><p>Lucius Malfoy sprinted up the stairs, deflecting Sirius's spells with backwards wandwork and dodging the fiery bursts that pursued him. "Petrificus!" Lucius commanded, his spell nicking Siriu's left leg and slowing his opponent.<p>

Lucius rummaged through the hallway seeking his son. He knew if he could only get to Draco, he could still have both of them.

He found Draco in the room down the hall still lying in bed. He whispered "Stupefy!" but before he had completed the incantation Draco had his wand out and screamed "Repello!" Lucius staggered back under the force of the repelling spell.

Draco stood up, the expression on his face showing a mixture of fear, confusion, and fury. He didn't hesitate but continued with a barrage of counter-offensive spells that forced his father to retreat down the hall. Lucius returned fire and a stream of light caught between their wands. They stared each other down, the spell accelerating towards Lucius. Draco's hand shuddered and the spell faltered.

Sirius stumbled towards them, crying "Deprimo!" Suddenly, Lucius screamed as the floor collapsed under his feet. Draco jumped back, hearing the snap of wood and the crunch of bones as his father landed at the bottom of a hole two stories deep.

Sirius and Draco looked at each other across the planks of jagged wood. "Lumos," said Sirius. He peered into the bottom of the hole. "I don't see him. I think he apparated."

They examined each other. They were both tired but still on their feet, neither very damaged from the battle. Sirius hastened down the stairs on his slightly petrified left leg.

"Remus? Narcissa? I'm going to summon the Order. Draco, stay with them."

* * *

><p><em>She walked down a narrow hallway that stretched in only one direction. The floorboards were creaky and stained and a shaft of cold wind blew through the halls. <em>

_On either side, instead of portraits of the ancestors of the House of Black there were dinnerware plates of kittens dressed in pink and yellow bows, their eyes staring out unnaturally. _

_She moved down the hall timidly, holding a candle in front of her and checking for any snags in the floorboards where she might trip and fall. At the end of the hall, there was a high, antique mirror: The Mirror of Erised, its reflective surface thick with grey clouds. _

_Muted swirls of purple, blue, green, and red made up the clouds. Through the clouded surface broke in lightning flashes the image of a girl. Then clouds again appeared like the miasmic trail of a dementor's cloak. Then the mirror showed the girl's brilliant eyes with her long black hair blowing across her face. Curiously, she reached to touch the image but when the girl looked back at her, she jerked her hand away as if scalded. _

_The sound of thunder reverberated through the hall. Tremors caused cracks to appear in the mirror and to zip through the floorboards. An internal shaking brought one dinnerware plate falling from the wall and then caused another and another plate to fall. Bottles and glass boxes shattered. Shards rained everywhere at her feet. _

_Another three thunderclaps sounded. Rain flooded through the cracks of the ceilings and the walls, the pensive waters of memory flooding the house… Andromeda, cloaked in black, running through the woods at night, Bellatrix, in a pool of own blood, brandishing her wand at an unseen assailant. A velvet-soft voice whispering its directives into her ear. Time moved backwards, the waters receding, returning._

_Rivers of memory flowed to a pool of still, sparkling water. The pool was surrounded by white flowers and reflected the night sky and the small animals that had come to drink. In the distance, she heard another voice calling a name. __Her __name_.

"Narcissa." The voice was plaintive and imploring. "Please. Wake up."

_His _voice.

She stirred slowly, as if under a large weight. She blinked and saw his face looking down at her.

"Remus…"

"Narcissa!" He gripped her shoulder tightly.

She looked around the room and recognized for her bedroom in Grimmuald Place. There were white candles burning in the window and in the air there was the smell of lavender, sage, and chocolate. She smiled faintly, clear light entering her eyes.

"How did I do, professor?"

He smiled and laughed in relief.

"You were amazing. All the points to Slytherin."

She saw how bandaged up he was. "They hurt you…"

She sat up, suddenly panicked. "Where is Draco?!"

"Draco is fine. He really is skilled in defense against the Dark Arts."

"But my mother was here. And Lucius…"

"She's dead, Narcissa. And Lucius is gone."

He held her as she began to cry, her comprehension dawning.

* * *

><p>They stayed there together. She leaned against him, head cradled in her hands.<p>

"It's starting to come back….Not all of it, but pieces. I think she made me marry him, made me obey him… I don't think he wanted to do it himself. His pride, I think. Or he wasn't powerful enough. The curse, it was from her."

She took a deep breath and looked into some invisible space.

"Will I ever know how much of that was me, Remus? It wasn't entirely not a choice, you know… I think some part of me loved…well I never loved him…but sometimes I loved the not thinking, the not choosing or having myself to blame."

"The freedom," he said.

She nodded, helplessness creeping over her. "Remus, what am I supposed to do now?"

He tightened his embrace of her. Then he edged away and looked out her window with a grave, far-seeing gaze.

"I can't tell you that."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thank you to "lily water in clearwater" and "DuchessMoonMoon13" for feedback that encouraged me to rewrite this chapter. **

**I'd love to hear from readers! Please let me know if you're enjoy this story or have suggestions/comments. **

**-hillstar **

* * *

><p>"<em>There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in."<em>

-Leonard Cohen

* * *

><p>As soon as Narcissa and Remus were strong enough, they apparated away from the House of Black to a safe house of the Order owned by the Shacklebolts.<p>

Their new living arrangement was sparse and small, but at least there was a yard and forest nearby to accommodate for Remus's lycanthropy and no family portraits wailing about blood impurity and treason.

Narcissa spent much of her time writing in a notebook about her memories as they came back to her. Remus saw her crying sometimes as she sat by herself, but other times she had a blush of color on her face he couldn't remember seeing since her days as a student.

Remus's physical condition was still shaky, especially on his left side, and he walked with a limp as he did after the harder full moons. But Remus was more concerned about Draco, whose pale, gaunt face suggested that he had aged several years in the course of half a month.

"How is she?" Draco asked one night when Narcissa had gone to sleep early.

"She's doing very well for what can be expected. She may need our help to process things, as some of her memories come back clearer." Remus took a sip of the tea laid on the table. "Can I ask you a question, Draco? How are you doing with all of this?"

"I'm okay." Draco shrugged.

"Really? Because I would understand if you were scared and upset."

"I just…I had no idea. Mom and dad…their marriage really didn't seem that different from a lot of pureblood marriages. I always thought mom was just kind of ditzy. And I never really liked my father, but I thought at least he loved _her._ What does that make me, Remus, if I'm his son?"

Remus crossed his arms and prepared to speak about a subject that was always difficult for him to talk about.

"Draco, my father…and your father…they are actually a lot alike. My father, Lyall, was an extremely prejudiced man. He insulted a werewolf, Fenrir Greyback, who attacked me in revenge, not because of anything I had done, but because of something my father believed. I'm still paying the price of that, but how can I stay mad at the man who raised me and took care of me my whole life?"

"Remus, can I say something? I think your dad sounds like kind of a Muggle."

Remus smiled. "Draco, you really shouldn't use that word as an insult. But…I think I know what you mean."

"I didn't mean to be mean to you for being a werewolf. I think I was just mad at you for hiding who you are."

"I'm sorry, Draco. I'll try not to do that again. If there's anything else you need to ask…"

"Yeah, what's going on between you and my mom?"

Remus shook his head. "Draco, you really should go to sleep."

"No, I'm serious."

"I don't know. It's complicated…"

Much to Remus's surprise, Draco smiled. "Well I hope you figure it out. My mom deserves someone who can treat her a lot better than _him_…"

* * *

><p>She was startled from her writing one morning by a knock on the door. She opened the door, expecting Remus or Draco, but found Sirius Black looking contrite.<p>

"Narcissa…we need to talk. I need to apologize to you, for not believing earlier that you were under the Imperius Curse."

Narcissa sighed and sat down on her bed. "Sirius, you really don't need to apologize. I honestly didn't know what was going on most of the time either."

"I've believed some stupid things, Narcissa. I actually once thought Pettigrew would make a better secret-keeper than Remus. And in Azkaban, they kept showing me images of everyone's worst possible sides. I kept seeing you as that Slytherin princess people thought you were or as one of Voldemort's closest supporters. The dementors, too, they whispered things about you. They said you were only using Remus and enjoyed causing him pain…that you betrayed him for Lucius…that you were as bad as Bellatrix, only more hypocritical. I should have believed _you _Narcissa. The whole world thinks I'm a murderer…my own godson was scared to see me before he knew the truth…my best friend didn't even believe…"

She felt a stab of sympathy for her cousin.

"I believed you were innocent, Sirius."

"How?" He seemed surprised.

"Because you're a stubborn bastard and you always were. You're one of the most reckless, self-righteous, idiotic _Gryffindors _that I know."

"Thanks…" he said sincerely taking her words as a compliment.

"But how did you know about Remus and I? That there was something going on between us?"

"It was _so _obvious! James and I could always see the way you two stared at each other between classes and how much Remus hated Lucius. I'm shocked it took Lucius this long to figure it out."

"That's because it never occurred to that man that other people might have their own thoughts or feelings."

She pulled open her handbag. "Sirius…I wanted to give you something to thank you for saving my life…something I don't really need any more." She retrieved from her handbag one of the jewelry boxes she carried, a black lacquer box with a carved picture of a dog on its lid. She opened the lid to show the silvery tendrils coiled inside.

"These are the memories I saved of you, from when we were kids. I used to look at them when Lucius was especially brutal, or when the newspapers said you were a traitor. I know they're not the same as the ones you lost, but…"

Receiving the box from her, he said smiled slightly. "Thank you."

She looked down sadly at the notebook in which she had been scribbling. "Sirius, do you think she remembers me at all now? In a good way, I mean?"

His voice froze. "You mean Bellatrix…"

She glanced away, ashamed.

"Now that you're one of us, I doubt it," he said, "But Andy asks about you all the time. She really wants to meet you."

"Andy? She's…she's really alive, Sirius?"

He took a photograph out of his pocket. The photograph showed Andromeda, Ted Tonks, and a pink-haired baby together at a birthday party. "This is your niece, Nymphadora. Or Tonks, as she likes to be called. She's in her twenties now, and an Auror."

"She's so beautiful," said Narcissa, studying the photograph. "They look so happy, Sirius!"

"I know…" said Sirius, "Can you believe they're from House of Black? Well, except for Ted, of course."

* * *

><p>Narcissa set up a field of protection around the yard so that they could play outside. Draco and Sirius were about equally stir-crazy and quickly began chasing each other around on broomsticks.<p>

"Professor Lupin! Professor Lupin!" Draco cried as he performed a particularly foolhardy aerobatic maneuver.

Narcissa leaned towards Remus, who was watching from the side. "I think he wants you to play with him."

"I'm not much of a quidditch player, unlike your son."

"That's okay, Draco loves winning."

"I hadn't noticed," Remus teased.

"You should join Gryffindor!" said Sirius to Remus.

"Yeah, mom, then you can be on the Slytherin team." said Draco.

"You know we can't resist reasoning like that…" Narcissa said to Remus.

* * *

><p>That whole month, the news reported more and more signs of Death Eater activity. As the full moon approached, Remus found himself haunted by terrible nightmares, dreams of Draco and Narcissa marked and held captive by Voldemort, of himself in wolf form slaughtering her snow-white leopard patronus, and of Lily and James lying dead in their seats at school still in their Hogwarts robes.<p>

While Remus and Narcissa ate breakfast, the radio reported that the Dark Mark had been spotted a few blocks from Godrick's Hollow. His hand shook, shattering the glass, and spilling a day's worth of Wolfsbane potion.

He looked at her with abject fear on his face.

"It's alright, I can go into town and get what I need to make more. Or we can see if Severus-"

He fell silent, shut his eyes, and turned from her.

"Please, it's the one thing I can do."

"What if you were recognized?" he snapped. "What if Lucius were to see you? Or any Death Eater…?"

"I can disguise myself. Diagon Alley is not that far."

He made the panicked calculations in his mind.

"You both should leave. There are places you could stay. Stay with the Weasleys. Everyone in the Order knows now that you've not a Death Eater."

"I'm not going to desert you, Remus. I have to help you because I love you."

"You shouldn't love me. Look at me, Narcissa." He pulled down the side of his sweater to show the reddened bite-marks on his shoulder and the scars along his collarbone. "How could you love…something like this?"

"_How? _How can I love you? You're the most beautiful, kind, strong man I have ever known. You saved me from an obedience curse and my son from becoming a Death Eater!"

"But I'm not just a man, Narcissa. I'm also an animal…"

"I don't care that you're an animal, Remus! Can I tell you what happened to me during my marriage? What it was like? When I was first married to Lucius, I used to follow his orders without any will of my own. The only thing that broke through the spell was when I got pregnant with Draco. I think that getting pregnant gave me an extra set of senses and these powerful feelings of fear, and all of a sudden I started to get some idea of what was gong on and how _wrong _it all was. The entire pregnancy all I could think about was running away, running away once I had my child."

"But then Bellatrix came to visit me after I was moved from the hospital. She knew what I had been thinking. She told me that Voldemort had plans for my son and either I could raise Draco with Lucius until he came of age to become a Death Eater or if I tried to leave they would hunt me down until they had us both killed."

"So I _stayed. _And I began to forget again. And then, sometimes, when I would remember things, I would feel terrified. But the curse was never really the same after Draco, because I was _letting_ it happen for a reason instead of just _having_ it happen because that was what _Lucius_ wanted. If it weren't for my 'animal instincts' I would have stayed that empty-minded Death Eater's wife my whole life and I would have never had the strength to escape."

"But I'm not an animal like that, Narcissa. The wolf that I become…it doesn't want to protect children! It just wants to harm and to kill, to infect...if you really want to protect your son, you need to leave."

She got out of her chair to stand in front of him and pulled her shirt up to show the length of her right side.

"Remus, do you see any marks on me here? Any scar? Anything?"

"No." He answered, confused.

"That's because there's nothing there." She said. "When I was a little girl, my mother raised me using the Imperius Curse, but she went easier on me than on Bellatrix or Andromeda. She never used the Cruciatus Curse on me, like she did on them. I think she wanted to make me into a flawless little doll to sell off to a pureblood family and she thought she could get away with it because I didn't show any sign of skill in Occlumency."

"I used to lie awake at night, listening to my sisters cry. One night, I remember hearing Bellatrix screaming in her room, and I went to try to comfort her. In the darkness I don't know if she recognized me but she lashed out with a curse that sliced me all along here."

"I'm so sorry. Your sister-"

"Remus, my _sister _apologized. She was terrified that she had hurt me. Our _mother,_" she said with rising indignation, "our mother was furious at _me _for putting myself in danger of getting a _scar_. She screamed at me for being so reckless and then she _fixed_ it so I would look 'presentable.' After that, she kept the two of us apart, on opposite sides of our house. That was the last time I remember Bellatrix ever showing _anyone _remorse."

"Even after everything Bella has done, even after threatening me and Draco and basically forcing me back into my marriage with Lucius, I _still _don't hate my sister. I'm scared of her, I hate the things she's done, but I know she does them because she's _sick_ and _injured _and all _alone._ How can I leave you when you're only like that a little part of the time and the only person you take it out on is yourself?"

He started weeping. "Cissa…it would only have to be one time for me to hurt you…"

"Remus, you have to let me take the risk. I used to think if I wasn't so weak, if were a better Occlumens like Andy or good at transfiguration like Sirius or even if I could just get through my D. A. D. A. exams without forgetting half the answers, I wouldn't have been such an easy target. But you're the strongest person I've ever known in defense against that Dark Arts, and even you can't fight it alone."

He shook his head. "You shouldn't call yourself weak, Narcissa. You're so amazingly strong that it scares me. You're strong in the sense that you would do anything for people you love, the way that James and Lily were strong. I don't want to lose you too."

* * *

><p>Their heads bowed close, Narciss and Sirius spoke as she explained to him her reasons for going out. Then she summoned Draco and helped him into a set of robes that she had charmed to disguise their identities.<p>

She hurried down the streets, careful to keep Draco by her, their faces down and as blocked from view as possible. She noticed one of Lucius's business associates out of the corner of her eye and held her breath as the warlock walked past her without noticing them.

Avoiding any of the side-streets that might have wizards leaving or going towards Knockturn Alley, they arrived at a small apothecary.

At the counter, a cankerous-looking witch examined the items in Narcissa's shopping bag.

"This is what you want? The week of the full moon? You a wolf?" asked the sales-witch bluntly.

Narcissa's heart hammered.

"Or is this the one that is…" The sales-witch pointed a long, sharp fingernail at Draco insinuatingly.

"You…get…get away from him!" Narcissa hissed at the volume of a whisper, "Or I'll…I'll bite you and infect you and all your children will be werewolves too!"

"Okay, lady…you can have your aconite…"

"Thank you, _ma'am,_" said Narcissa, snatching the vile of crushed flower.

* * *

><p>They apparated back as fast as they could. She knew immediately something was wrong when she saw Sirius's face.<p>

"He left, Cissa. He said to tell you not to follow him and that he wants me to be here for you and Draco now."

"Where is he, Sirius?"

"He told me to keep you safe."

"No, no, no I won't no, you can't tell me that I can't-"

"Can you make the potion or not, Cissy?"

She held his gaze. "Can you get it to him, Sirius?"

* * *

><p>Sirius's eyes adjusted to the darkness of the Shrieking Shack, where Remus lay in with his back turned.<p>

"I told you to tell her to stay away."

Sirius placed the bottle of Wolfsbane Potion on the ground beside his friend.

"Moony, just come back. I will kill you if you break her heart."

* * *

><p>For a full night and half a day she nursed the phantom ache in her side.<p>

She almost lost hope by the afternoon, when she suddenly felt his arms wrapped around her.

"I'm so sorry," he said, kissing the top of her head. "I was scared."

"It's okay. You were just trying to keep us safe."

"Tonight, you have to leave me alone."

"I know," she said, "But I'll still be here for you."

He took from the pocket of his crumbled coat the small glass jar she had given him, the one with the strand of her hair inside.

"I know, Narcissa. You always were."


	9. Chapter 9

_"O, swear not by the moon, the fickle moon, the inconstant moon, that monthly changes in her circled orb, lest that thy love prove likewise variable"_

_- Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet _

With summer drawing to an end, they could feel the cold of the approaching autumn at night, but they were sheltered under the cover of the trees, with the blanket wrapped around her and her spirits warmed by the rich floral wine that Remus had brought for them to share. The cold bit at the knuckles of her hands, but she barely noticed with Remus holding her close, keeping her warm. His warmth, she thought, had always been the quality that attracted her most.

Lucius's gaze, his touch, had been like ice that paralyzed her, turning her as cold as one of those crystalline statues in his gardens.

Or turned her into a mirror, wanted most for the ways she resembled himself, for possessing his hair color, parroting his beliefs, and sharing his "blood status". It had reminded her ironically of her name; of Narcissus, the legend of the man who fell in love with himself.

At times, she had wondered if Lucius was as insensible to warmth as Muggles to magic, if, like the hairy-hearted warlock in that children's story, he had hoarded all his money, servants, and magical objects to hide some fundamental lack.

Sometimes she feared she lacked warmth also, that there was nothing but ice underneath her icy surfaces. For many years, she won admiration for the pristine image, whether as the "perfect daughter," "Slytherin princess" or 'pureblooded wife." She knew that Bella burned with a raging inferno ultimately as chilling as the green flames of the killing curse. She knew her son was fierier than Lucius or herself put together, which was fitting for a boy named for a reptile with a heart of fire. What she didn't know until Remus returned in her life was how she had missed the fire in herself.

She thought of him as a candle giving off a steady pulse, waxing and waning not with the cycles of the moon like his lupine instincts but from some inner source responsive to the kindness in others. It brought out in her a warmth perhaps not as intense, but softly constant in its own way. A fire that burned because he cared to notice its existence at all.

"What are you thinking about?" he said.

She leaned against him, looking at the stars. "I was just thinking about how I never really liked my name. Narcissa, I mean. It just seems kind of cold, like that myth. What kind of person falls in love with their own reflection? And it's strange anyways. Sometimes I think I just got that name so people could see me as a reflection of themselves."

"It's kind of like the moon, then." He pointed at the toenail-shaped sliver in the sky. "In a lot of cultures, the moon symbolizes fear and illusion because it's just a reflection."

Seeing her frown, he added, "If it helps, I don't really like my name that much either." He smiled, "I mean, 'Remus' doesn't really suit me…I've never founded an ancient city or even had a twin brother!"

"But actually when I think of 'Narcissa'," said Remus, "I always thought of the narcissus flower, because it is bright yellow like the sun. And also I think you're more like the sun because of the whole Romeo and Juliet 'two Houses divided' thing we have going for us!"

"Well, that story doesn't really end very well for Romeo and Juliet, does it? Maybe it's for the best we weren't reckless kids, like those two."

"Nope, now we're just reckless adults."

He felt the sudden urge to do "_something reckless" _as James would say. He kneeled down beside her and grabbed her hand. "Narcissa, can I ask you something?"

"You can do whatever you want."

"Narcissa, will you marry me?" He blushed. "I don't really have a ring, or, this wasn't really planned-"

The way he looked into her eyes, she noticed, really was reminiscent of a hopeful yet anxious puppy.

"Of course I will, Remus!" She threw her arms around him and he kissed her with a passion that she hastened to match.

* * *

><p>As they lay there later, he turned her and he said, "Cissa, I know you said yes, but there really are some things you need to think about."<p>

She said, "I know. What are we gonna tell Draco?"

"He already knows about you and me. I just hope he's okay with this change."

He sighed. "Cissa, you know things won't be easy. Twelve nights a year at least I'll be gone and won't know what shape I'll come back in…"

"I know. But I've already said I'll always be here for you."

"I won't be able to promise I can support you financially."

She took his hand. "We'll do what we have to, together. Remember, you're with a Slytherin now."

"I'm serious, Narcissa. You might even starve."

"I've been hungry before. Lucius hardly even let me eat half the time."

"I'm so sorry, Cissa."

"It's not your fault…"

He summoned the courage to ask the question that was really haunting him. "There's another thing. I have to know if you want children."

"Oh course," she said sweetly, "I'd love to have a baby with you."

"Oh…" He voice sounded surprised and sad. "Narcissa, I don't ever want children. Not biological ones. I'm happy to try to be some kind of parent figure to Draco, but I don't want to pass my condition onto an innocent child."

"But I thought there was only a small chance that children would inherit lycanthropy from their parents. It's one of the few things I remember from that D. A. D. A. exam we studied for seventh year. I remember being very curious about the point at the time."

"Cissa, even if there's even a small chance…"

She whispered, "Is it really that bad? That you wish you had never been born?"

"I won't say there haven't been times…but I always held on for my friends and my family and I supposed because I'm…what do you call Sirius? A stupid, stubborn Gryffindor? But it's one thing to take on that pain myself, another thing to bring upon a defenseless child, who has no idea what is happening, no chance of controlling…"

"But you would make a great parent. You're so kind and caring, a wonderful teacher-"

"And it's not just the chance of me passing on lycanthropy. I don't know what Fenrir might do if he knew I had a family. He might seek to harm them, just like he tried to revenge on my father through me. Maybe even you and Draco aren't safe."

"And there's the Death Eaters… and Bellatrix…If she knew I'd married you...If she ever escaped." She clutched his arm. "We can't just be reckless, Remus. We also have to be cunning."

* * *

><p>They sat in their living room the next morning, holding hands.<p>

"Sirius, we want to tell you some big news!"

"Remus and I are getting married."

Sirius smiled the largest grin Remus had seen from on Sirius since his almost-brother had broken out of Azkaban. "Wow, congratulations! When's the big day?"

"Um, that's the thing, Sirius..." Narcisss looked across the coffee table into Sirius's eyes. "We want to keep everything discreet. It's not that I don't wish the whole world could know, but with the Death Eaters reforming and the werewolf packs realigning under Fenrir, we don't want anyone to know where we live, let alone that we're married."

Sirius looked at her cagily as her statement set in. "You need a secret-keeper. Well, I guess I could..."

"We're not asking for _you _to do it." said Remus, smiling assuredly at Narcissa. "I mean, I'm sorry, but you're…"

"You're kind of the guy who thought 'Moony' was a _subtle_ nickname. We need someone who's an actual Occlumens, who actually knows how to be smart _and_ cunning, who wouldn't break under the Imperius _or _the Cruciatus Curse, and who the Death Eaters won't be able to find, including Bellatrix."

Sirius leaned to the side, his hands folded on his knee. "You want Andy…"

"You don't have to tell us where she is, Sirius, just… do you think she would help me?"

"She always wanted to help you. I was the one who convinced her there was nothing she could have done…"

"You were _right_; there _was_ nothing she could have done. I had to save myself," Narcissa said, "But do you think she would help us now?"

* * *

><p><em>Andromeda Black was not spoken of in Druella Black's household. When pressed for information by people who remembered having seen a third young witch living in their house, Druella claimed that she had once fostered a girl who had killed herself when one of her own curses backfired.<em>

"_Andromeda is dead! Dead, dead, dead!" Bella had sung cheerfully when she blasted the name off the family tapestry._

_In their sixth year Care of Magical Creatures class, Narcissa had been among the students glancing nervously at the spot where the herd of thestrals stood._

"_Do you see anything?" asked Lucius._

_She'd known better than to confess that all she saw was an empty space._

_Instead, she had nodded._

* * *

><p>At the popping sound of apparation, the two witches rushed towards each other. Andromeda gathered her little sister in a hug.<p>

"Cissy, I can't believe it."

"Remember how you made me promise to never forget you, that night you left? I didn't, Andy, I never forgot."

"I didn't forget you either, Cissa. I'm sorry I wasn't there, I'm sorry-"

"You told me about the Room of Requirement. You were the one I always thought of when I used the Patronus Charm."

"I should have come back for you-"

"I wasn't the same person."

"I missed you so much. I'm happy you're back."

They hugged again for a long time without letting go.

Remus Lupin stretched out his arm to offer an awkward handshake. Instead, Andromeda wrapped the shy werewolf in an equally enthusiastic hug.

Remus and Narcissa were married in a private ceremony, under the canopy of quilt from Narcissa's bag of personal possessions, with only Draco, Sirius, and Andromeda as their guests. Narcissa wore a dress that she had charmed white, and carried a bouquet of yellow daffodils. Draco walked her down the aisle that they made in the living room, while Sirius stood by Remus's side as the Best Man. They spoke their vows and then kissed and afterwards they began the complex work of crafting the Fidelius Charm.


	10. Chapter 10

"_What! Would I be turned back from doing a thing that I had determined to do, and that I knew to be right, by the airs and interference of such a person, or any person I may say? No, I have no idea of being so easily persuaded. When I have made up my mind, I have made it."_

-Jane Austen, _Persuasion_

* * *

><p>The time that followed was occupied by hiding and waiting, waiting to hear about from Albus her son at school or for Remus to return from his missions from the Order, waiting with bated breath for the war to begin so perhaps it would someday end, while the Death Eaters seemed equally willing to wait and to hide.<p>

She hated any full moons Remus spent away from the safe-house, or really any time he was away doing reconnaissance on the werewolf packs, and how he would come back, disheveled, jumpy, with stories she had to coax out of him about men and women who were more than satisfied to let their feral sides run rabid. He would cling to her then like she was his last scrap of humanity.

"Do you think we'll ever able to go anywhere together?" she asked, "This feels almost like when we were hiding in seventh year in the Room of Requirement. I know we said we'd be smart about it, but wish we didn't have to hide this much."

"I feel like that's why Dumbledore choose me for this job," He looked down at the lines that crossed his hands, "because I've been hiding my whole life. Now instead it's the human side I'm supposed to hide."

She placed on top of his a hand unblemished though pale. "He choose you because you're a brilliant wizard and in a less prejudiced world you would have been a great Auror."

"Or he wanted me because I'm as close to a werewolf he can get to still be on his side."

When Remus grew uncertain of what he was doing, whether he was being used, she tried to convince him of his worth to the cause, but he never quite seemed to hear her.

"I keep having this dream, Remus. You're a teacher again or an Auror, everyone knows about us, Draco is safe and happy, we have maybe a little boy or girl…"

"Narcissa, you know that can't happen."

"It's just a dream, Remus."

She hated how bitter the war was making him, and she hated most of all the way he would forbid her from wearing that flowery perfume in her hair because he feared other wolves picking up her scent on him.

"You don't like my hair?" she asked quietly.

"I love your hair, you know that; I love all of you, but I want you to be safe…and Draco."

He would try not to notice the faraway look in her eyes when she nodded.

* * *

><p>Back in school again, Draco didn't know where he belonged. There were rumors going around school about his mother leaving his father, but no one quite knew the details. No one knew his mother was married to Remus Lupin and he found it impossible to even speak on the subject to anyone outside of his small family circle.<p>

He felt weird around his old Slytherin friends because many of them were excited by the rumored return of Voldemort and by the possibility of their parents raising to prominence with the Dark Lord. Even those that could care less about becoming Death Eaters were casually attached to ideas of "blood purity" that made him feel uncomfortable.

One day, he was sitting at lunch with Crabbe, Goyle, and Pansy, when Pansy shot a disdainful glare at Astoria Greenglass. Astoria was siting at another table, looking mortified by Pansy's triumphant smirk.

"Didn't you and Astoria used to be friends?" asked Draco. Astoria may have been a Ravenclaw, but she was pureblood and had always been part of Pansy's clique before.

"We don't speak to Astoria anymore. Didn't you hear about how she hooked up with Fergus Finnegan?"

"So?" said Draco.

"So?! Everyone knows that Fergus is only half-blood! She's tainted forever now. I would _never _disgrace myself like that." Pansy cozied up against Draco, batting her eyelashes.

"Pansy, get away from me."

He marched over to the Ravenclaw table. The Ravenclaw girl looked shocked as he sat down next to her. They ended up spending some time talking about the upcoming classes and it turned out she knew more about sports and was more interested in Quidditch than he assumed most Ravenclaws would be.

Later, they went together to the first trial of the Triwizard Tournament. While they watched the trials from their stadium seating, he told her all about the dragons, which he knew many facts about as they'd always been his favorite magical creature.

Astoria leaned over as the Hungarian Hornback swirled overhead. "I wish you were our champion. I mean, Harry and Cedric are okay, but you'd actually have a shot at winning."

"You really think so?" asked Draco.

"Yeah. And I wanted you to know, Draco, Fergus and I are just friends. I think Pansy started that rumor because she's jealous…because she knows the one I really like is you."

* * *

><p>Narcissa was terrified at the end of Draco's fourth year, when it was reported by Dumbledore that a student had been killed by Voldemort. Sirius, on the other hand was livid, ranting to anyone that would listen about how terrible it was that he was locked away and had been unable to do anything while his god-son was almost killed.<p>

Sometimes, Narcissa thought Sirius took the hiding worst of all of them. In all the years she had known him as a child, he had always been least content to hide his true colors, and Azkaban had not broken that quality but, if anything, exasperated it. She at least had dreams of a future with Remus, whereas Sirius seemed to subsist entirely on fantasies of the past revolved around joining Harry and his friends in the same kind of trouble as the Marauders.

Narcissa was even more scared in the fifth year, when Draco came home during break bearing a series of scars across his arm, given to him by Dolores Umbridge, the new Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor, for daring to agree with Harry Potter that they needed to learn actual defense tactics in school and not just Ministry propaganda.

"Draco, you need to keep your head down!" scolded Narcissa.

"Keep my head down?! Mom, do you know what Umbridge is saying about werewolf registration? She thinks all magical creatures should all be rounded up and murdered! I'm gonna smack that stupid giggle off of her stupid face! And besides, I'm sure I know _way _more about Defense Against the Dark Arts than Harry Potter, considering who my father is."

An involuntary smile of amusement showed on Narcissa's face before her apprehension surfaced.

"Astoria says Harry is starting a secret Defense Against the Dark Arts group," said Draco, "I'm thinking maybe I should join."

"Harry's leading his own band of troublemakers? Sounds just like his old god-dad!" said Sirius Black.

"That sounds awesome, Draco," said Remus. Noticing Narcissa's stern expression, he cut in, "I mean, it sounds really dangerous. You guys could get in a lot of trouble. You need to listen to your mom and stay out of it." He shot Draco a wink.

Just before Draco returned to school, Remus and Sirius caught him and brought a whole pile of D. A. D. A. supplies and lesson plans.

Draco lowered his head. "I shouldn't have mentioned anything. I don't even know if Harry would let me join his little 'wannabe heroes in training' club. He and his friends don't exactly trust me."

"If anyone gives you trouble, tell Harry that Moony and Padfoot say you're in," said Sirius.

"Yeah, but what if mom finds out?"

"She's just looking out for you, Draco. But if she gives you any problems, just remind her Moony says that you're not the first person to take secret D. A. D. A. lessons."

* * *

><p>"I don't know how you do it," Narcissa said to Andy when her sister visited, "I don't know how you ever let Tonks become an Auror."<p>

"I don't _let_ her do anything, Cissy. It's her choice, like all of the ones our mother never gave us. Yes, but, you're right, Narcissa, sometimes I don't know how I let her do it either."

* * *

><p>The sound of Sirius Black blasting a hole in the wall woke Narcissa. She ran downstairs and nearly tripped over when she saw the newspaper headline announcing a mass breakout from Azkaban and the bold picture of Bellatrix Lestrange laughing shamelessly at her.<p>

"That's it! I can't handle this any more!" said Sirius, "What is Dumbledore even waiting for? When are we going to fight?"

Narcissa covered her mouth with her hands.

"We need to stay out of the way- let the Order deal with it!"

"You really sound like a Slytherin now, Cissy. Always thinking about self-preservation while other people risk their lives for you."

"Self-preservation? I hate feeling useless just as much as you do! But I have to survive for Draco's sake. And what about you? You're Harry Potter's sole parental guardian now! He's depending on you. You can't go running after danger like a teenager anymore. _You _need to be responsible."

"They're not helpless little children!"

"They are _boys, _Sirius."

Sirius moved around the dining room table, circling restlessly. "Harry is Voldemort's number one target! And what about Draco- do you really want him to live the rest of his life in fear of the Death Eaters? Or if you and Remus ever have a kid- what kind of world would it grow up in if Voldemort were in power? Did you ever think about that, Narcissa? They don't need us to be 'responsible'- they need us to fight for them!"

"How are you going to fight for Harry if you're dead or in Azkaban? Their numbers are stronger than ever now and they have my _sister._"

"I'm not afraid of Bella," he said.

Her eyes narrowed with cat-like ferocity. "Then you really _are _insane."

"Well at least I'm not a coward. How is this any different from the Imperius Curse, Cissy? You're still letting those people dictate what you can and cannot do. You're still always the first one to fall for the easy way out."

"You have _no _idea what you're talking about."

Remus was the one who finally intervened, placing a hand on Naricssa's shoulder.

"You two both need to calm down: it's not going to help anything to panic."

Narcissa nodded, but in their room, she broke down, sitting on the bed and crying into her hands.

"She's back, Remus…she's going to take Draco…there's nothing I can do…it's just the same as last time…"

"It's not the same at all; we're all in this together. You have me and Sirius and Albus. We're not going to let Bellatrix Le Strange…"

"You don't understand…none of us can stop her…She's stronger than my parents, stronger than Lucius…"

She crumbled completely into his arms. "Remus…I'm so scared…I just keep thinking that the only thing that's really different now is not our numbers or any new special weapons or powers, it's that I know she can't…I think maybe I can save him…" she said desperately, "_because of Lily_…"

He clutched her tighter. "You can't think like that."

Remus took deep breaths, trying to calm his protective instincts as he imagined a tawny wolf falling asleep.

* * *

><p>"This is all based on some message you saw in your head, Harry?! Don't you think they might be manipulating you?"<p>

"He's _your _uncle Draco, don't you even care?"

* * *

><p>Lucius saw his son among the group of adolescents in the Department of Mysteries and, hesitated between asking for what he really wanted to trade for, and what he had been sent to retrieve. He made the calculations and decided that his fear of the Dark Lord was greater even than his wish for vengeance upon Narcissa Black.<p>

"Give us the prophecy," commanded Lucius.

"You need more persuasion?" said Bellatrix Lestrange when Harry Potter hesitated, revealing her hollowed face as she removed her hood, "Very well. Let him watch while we torture the girl."

* * *

><p>"We have to go, it's Harry," Sirius Black took his wand. "It's Harry and…and…I think he may be with Draco. Narcissa, I'm sorry."<p>

"I know," she said, pulling the hood over her face, "We have to go."

They arrived to a scene of chaos at the Department of Ministry, flashes of smoke and light appearing everywhere around them as the Order and the young adults fought against the Death Eaters. With all the fighting around her, she couldn't make out Draco anywhere, though for a moment she thought she caught a flash of Lucius's blonde hair sweeping behind her.

Fighting beside her, Sirius concentrated on bearing down on a tall Death Eater, while she dueled another Death Eater who she recognized from her husband's meetings but whose name she could not recall.

A jet of light shot out of the corner of her peripheral vision.

"AVADA-!" shrieked a delirious voice.

"Impedimenta!" Narcissa returned loudly.

As the light spurt from her wand, the dancing madwoman froze.

* * *

><p><em>If it were possible for dementors to despair, then they despaired over prisoner #3029193. <em>

_They tried to break her by feasting on her happy memories, but she had no truly happy memories to devour, only memories that joined pleasure and pain in an exulting, inextricable embrace._

_Nor could they poison her mind by making her see the ugliness in people she loved, for she already saw humanity through a dark glass and admired most what was most hateful, most cruel, even most unfaithful to herself._

_As for shame, the more they tried to break prisoner #3029193 by dredging up memories of her countless heinous deeds, the more shamelessly she roared with laughter._

_Except a ray of hope, if it could be call such, was granted to dementors when they stumbled upon one memory that could cause her unadulterated sorrow- deeply buried, almost forgotten, a pearl of regret in a deep sea of heedlessness. They plied this memory from the crannies of her mind and drew it out into the surface where they could reproduce it again and again and again._

_In the cell, she heard a noise, soft footsteps coming closer, growing louder. She began trembling. A surge of adrenaline shot through her body. She knew there was only one way to conquer what she feared with every nerve and that was to be stronger, quicker, and more ruthless than whatever was coming her way. Grasping at an invisible wand present only in her mind, the prisoner screamed the curse. A flash of light spurted from her nonexistent wand and she saw that it was not- not enemy, not a Dark Lord, or husband, or mother, or demon, or monster, but-_

* * *

><p>"Cissy?" Bellatrix Lestrange gasped in an uncannily high-pitched voice as the killing curses reigned upon her from all sides. On her face read an expression of mixed confusion and horror.<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

_One narcissus among the ordinary beautiful  
><em>_Flowers, one unlike all the others! She pulled,  
><em>_Stooped to pull harder-  
><em>_When, sprung out of the earth  
><em>_On his glittering terrible  
><em>_Carriage, he claimed his due.  
><em>_It is finished. No one heard her.  
><em>_No one! She had strayed from the herd._

-Rita Dove, _Persephone, Falling _

* * *

><p>Sirius tried to shake Remus and bring him to stand. Remus clutched the still form of fair-haired woman lying on the ground about a foot from the body of her dark-haired sister.<p>

He could hardly hear Sirius for the racing of his own heart in his ears and the slow sound of her heart beating.

"She's alive. She's-"

"We need to get out of here, before the police…"

A spurt of red lightning shot from Remus's wand at a distance, reaching and killing the Death Eater dueling with Draco. Remus lifted Narcissa's body, and rushed forward to grab Draco's hand, disapparating them both.

* * *

><p>It was not the first time he had seen a victim of an incomplete Killing Curse.<p>

When properly cast, the Killing Curse never failed, with the one exception of course.

However, there were times, when used by newly trained Death Eaters or by amateur dark wizards, its victims would end up in critical condition but not dead if the intention or ability behind the curse wasn't pure.

It was extremely rare, however, that anyone would have both the ruthlessness and compunction to botch it like this.

Laid on the bed, she resembled in all ways an ordinary victim of the competently cast Avada Kadavra curse, except for the sound of her faint heartbeat.

"She didn't mean to kill her," said Sirius, "It was supposed to be me, Remus. I saw her face. I don't think that Bellatrix really _intended..._"

Remus said nothing.

Draco refused to leave her side. "Isn't there anything you can do? Some kind of counter-curse?"

A flush of white appeared on Remus's face.

"Not even some kind of werewolf thing?"

"_No,_" Remus said, though the Wolf had other ideas.

"This is _mom. _You know she doesn't care what would happen to her. She wouldn't care if it hurts or whether you think it's right or wrong. She wouldn't _care._"

"We can't know that." His apprehensive gaze drew away from Draco's accusing glare.

"Remus, if she could speak right now, what would she say? WHAT WOULD SHE SAY, REMUS?"

"I don't know…I can't possibly…"

"I never should have defended you. She was so upset when I got this you would have thought it were a Dark Mark." Draco cradled against his chest his arm with its scars reading, _I must not tell lies. _

"Draco…"

"NO!" He held her still body, refusing to look at Remus.

Remus put his hand on the boy's back. "Draco, leave us."

* * *

><p>He looked at how the silver-blonde locks of hair fell waywardly across her face and how her face bore an expression determined yet reserved. It was amazing to him how at peace she looked, utterly immobile except for the rise and the fall of her chest.<p>

He was overcome by the weakness of his human side, that could not bear to lose another person he loved, and by the growing hunger of the Wolf to feed upon the wounded form of one so long denied, that whispered, _of course, it's what you've always wanted, but now you can say it was for the right reasons, now you can blame Bellatrix Lestrange..._

In the times that followed, he would never know for certain if he had made the choice to bite her or if he had capitulated to powers beyond fighting.

* * *

><p>From the depths of winter, she felt a scalding fire fill her veins.<p>

Her eyes fluttered open as her hair turned to black.

* * *

><p>She woke up thrashing and screaming hysterically.<p>

"What did she do to me, Remus? Remus, I'm bleeding!" Her eyes shot around the room. "Sirius? Did she kill-?"

"Narcissa, you were hit by the Killing Curse but it was botched somehow."

"But, but something happened to me! I was so cold, Remus!"

Suddenly crying out in pain, she noticed the patches of blood all over his shirt.

"You're bleeding...you're bleeding Remus? What did she do?"

"Cissa…I...Cissa,..you were attacked by, by Bellatrix, and then, then she was killed by…by the Order but you were almost dead and then, then I thought if I bit you it might...But since you were...attacked...not during the full moon, but by...by...a werewolf, you should only be part...I don't know…I don't know what it did to you…"

She tried sitting up, realizing that they had left the ministry. She felt immediate vertigo as she was disoriented by the strength of lights and sounds flooding her perception.

"You bit me?" She placed a hand on her forehead. "And Bellatrix is dead?"

She grabbed the side of the bed. "What happened to Draco?" "Draco!" she screamed.

"Mom! Mom!" He ran into the room. "Draco!" she clutched him against herself. Draco turned and wrapped Remus in a sudden hug.

Remus pulled away and vomited on the floor.

"Draco, get Sirius," commanded Narcissa. She lay back, breathing quickly, feeling the gnash on her shoulder burn while the rest of her felt numb and cold.

* * *

><p>Severus Snape found at his doorstep perhaps the second-most annoying individual to be summoning him at the hour. Severus rolled his eyes at Remus Lupin, who looked even more pale-faced and miserable than usual as he peered through the window of Severus's front door.<p>

Remus knocked again and Severus opened his door a crack.

"Please Severus, it's Narcissa. She was at the last battle, at the Department of Mysteries. She…Bellatrix…."

Severus's voice dropped. "Narcissa is dead?"

"No, no, she's…she's not dead. But she was hit by the Killing Curse, or sort of. The curse was botched. It wasn't really targeted at her. Severus, I had to...I brought her out of paralysis somehow by biting her…I need Wolf's Bane now for both of us. Narcissa has been making it for me recently but with what's happened...I don't know if she's a werewolf now, Severus, but she's at least..." Remus looked down at his own hands. "I know you were her friend. I know you must hate me right now, but you can't possibly hate me as much as I hate myself."

Severus turned, "Considering how full of insufferable self-pity you are, I sincerely doubt that."

"Can you make us the potion, Severus?"

"Do you know why I made that potion, while you were teaching at Hogwarts? Everyone in the Order always goes on and on about how 'humane' you are, but I remember what you and your friends were like, how you used to gang up together like some pack. That's how I thought of you all, as a pack of animals. I didn't make the potion as a favor for you, but because I know what you're capable of."

"But for Narcissa...?"

Severus met Remus with an appraising, impenetrable look.

"Yes."

"And, Severus," Remus found the last bit of temerity to add, "I know you like doing all that fancy improvisational potion-making, but could you just follow the instructions for once?"

Severus looked at Remus with the same inscrutable expression. "I probably could."

* * *

><p>"Say something. Look at me." She moved warily to touch him but he jerked away.<p>

"I was dying. I was dying, and you gave me life. Look at me."

"It made you, it made you into…"

"What? What am I, Remus?"

"I don't want you to be …to be like me."

"I was always like you."

"I mean a _werewolf, _Narcissa!"

"But I didn't want to die, Remus. Remus, I love you."

"You say that now."

* * *

><p>As the time grew closer to the full moon, she found herself able to get up again, to walk around the house and out around the forest restlessly.<p>

They elected together to have Sirius bring Draco to the Weasleys for the three days the moon would be at its height.

"You better not get him into trouble, Sirius. If you take my son out on some hair-brained Marauder escapade, I swear I will finish what she started!"

"I'll take good care of him. I just want you both to be okay." Sirius anxiously brushed a hand through his shaggy hair. "I love you guys."

* * *

><p>As the orb grew fuller, she felt more sickened. The sphere of the moon seemed to complete a prophecy, filling itself with the words whispered long ago, that the moment she changed, if she ever did something truly reckless that left her no longer clean and pure and whole, that would be the moment she would be cast off, exposed, and left alone in the dark to fend for herself.<p>

He would not look at her. He would not talk to her. He wanted for them to separate.

On the evening of the approaching full moon, she found herself wandering through the woods, looking for him, feeling slight and fragile as she stepped through the dark spaces between the trees.

"Remus?" she said. "Remus? Remus?"

The mark on her shoulder burned though the rest of her felt cold.

"Remus?"

The man she came across looked different than Remus, with more hair on his face and redness along the brims of his eyes. She felt a difference within herself too. Why had she never been able to recognize before the sounds of a forest prickling her ears? How had she not known that warmth, that fire, could also be agonizing?

"Why do you always do that to me? Why do you always leave?"

"We have to separate. You can't be near me, when…"

"When what? I don't want to be alone when it- if it happens to me too, Remus!"

"It bit you, Cissa! The wolf-"

"Well maybe that wolf knew what it was doing; maybe that wolf actually cared about me!"

"A wolf can't care about you. A wolf doesn't have a conscience! You don't understand. It didn't just want to just bite you. It wanted to kill...to kill…"

A change passed over her face. Her voice became low and hostile while angularity touched her soft features.

She looked at him, as if seeing him for the first time, seeing all the beastliness in form and face. A spark of flame exploded in her.

"Was it _you_, Remus? _Were you the one who killed her?_"

His eyes narrowed. "Who, _Bellatrix_?"

"My _sister_…" she hissed.

"I don't know, there were a lot of us there. Sirius, and Tonks. We- I had to protect you. That bitch was going to kill you. You're my, my wife, my mate-"

"How could you? She's my blood, my blood, Remus, my blood, my blood..."

She paced back and forth. "You saved me, you wouldn't hurt me- No, you're a filthy murderer! My sister, my eldest sister she's dead! My own sister, she _did _this to me! No, _you _did this to me, Remus!"

"Cissa…I can't...I'll do worse. I only started..."

"I need you, Remus! Don't leave me!" Her hands shook. "But, but Remus how _could _you?"

A flicker of silver light crossed her eyes. "You _disgust _me."

In a helpless voice, with her head covered by her hands, she whimpered. "Get away from me..."

He growled, "I won't leave you!" He clutched her arm.

"No! Let me go!"

He struggled and released her arm. He fell to the ground, his entire body beginning to tremor and crack. She felt a burst of sorrow for him as he screamed but her compassion was cancelled out by an inner voice commanding her to run.

She obeyed the command, running with all her might, needing to get away from him, from herself, from _it._ She sped across the forest floor, not looking back, seeing the outlines of the trees through the darkness ahead, but then the pain hit and she fell into the brambles. She looked up from the ground and the moon's eye looked directly back.

Remus had said before that the moon was only a reflection, but he had lied; it was not a reflection but a beacon to all that lay dormant, stirring an animal unable to surface completely, only to torment her, her yelp inhuman but pitifully inexpressive of her pain.

She lay there for an unknown time waiting for the change to come, for her skin to be ripped apart, her soul drowned, her sanity destroyed by the words that gnashed at her mind:

MONSTER

IMPURE

HALF-BREED

COWARD

TRAITOR

DARK

EVIL

threatening to define her completely by all that was within her, yet beneath her, outside her and hostile to her, all that she would either assimilate or be annihilated by. "I won't accept it, I won't change," whispered the small voice of resistance while the delirious creature howled the same.

A deep fog set over the forest as a thin black sheen covered the moon. Through the darkness she saw the Wolf coming.

She tried to move but was caught in her own clumsy impartiality. She tried to make a sound that would scare it away but her bark was mostly human, not loud enough to deter a real beast.

It came closer and closer, its footsteps slowed. Her heart pounded and her blood burned.

The Wolf stopped and laid itself on the ground beside her. She smelled the tranquility and exhaustion in its scent. It huddled against her and she could feel its slow heartbeat, her own heart beginning slowly to calm, her terror to relent.

"Remus..." she said, as she touched its fur. She leaned against it, shutting her eyes.

When the dawn broke, it was only him, it was only them- tired, speechless, helpless, together.


	12. Chapter 12

"_If I am a wild Beast, I cannot help it. It is not my own fault."_

-Jane Austen, _Jane Austen's Letters _

* * *

><p>The black dog morphed back into a man as Sirius saw that they were both safe to approach. Remus accepted Sirius's help getting to his knees, while Narcissa got slowly up on her own.<p>

He knew that perhaps it wasn't right to feel that way, but Remus thought she had never looked more beautiful than then, with grass sticking to her matted dark hair, and a radiant smile on her face that he didn't know how to interpret.

The familiar stabs of pain and aches in his joints confronted him as the three of them staggered back to the house.

Catching his breath, once they had laid down, he managed to stammer, "I'm sorry…sorry you had to go through…"

She turned towards to him, hesitant to touch him again. "I...I didn't mean those things I said. I know everything you did was to defend us. But it hurt so much, Remus..."

"I-I know, Cissa."

"But it's not so bad," she said, "I mean it's terrible, terrible to know it's even worse for you. But now I know Lucius will never want me again and also I feel a little closer to you, and to, to Bella..."

She stopped speaking for a moment, wiping the tears from her eyes. "And since I didn't transform, maybe we can even still have a child."

Her words hit him like a sharp jolt. "How can you even be thinking of that now?"

"Remus, you know how I'm a Slytherin, but could have been Hufflepuff too? Maybe that wasn't just the Imperius Curse. Maybe that's because all I ever wanted was a family. But I have you and Draco. I know you've been through so much, Remus. We don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"You…you know what I want is not the issue."

"What _do _you want, Remus?" she said.

"I don't want something that I can't have."

* * *

><p>Later, Sirius helped dress Remus's cuts while Narcissa slept in the adjoining room. Remus had a broken wrist and a few major scratches, but it was not so bad considering how terrified he had been beforehand. Whatever Severus Snape had given him had almost completely knocked him out. He knew he couldn't count on the two of them being as fortunate in the future.<p>

"She didn't…?" said Sirius.

"No, but Sirius, it was pretty bad. I'm really confused because she says she still wants a baby." Remus frowned at his friend. "Even after all this, why can't she understand that it's just too dangerous?"

"Remus, the thing you have to understand about me and Narcissa is we're both descended from a long line of people who probably should have _never _had children. I've never been that interested in having children myself because I know what genetic risks are involved are when you're from House of Black, but Narcissa doesn't think like that. She just kind of wants what she wants, like a Slytherin would."

"Did you know that the Sorting Hat told her she could have been a Hufflepuff? It said the same thing about me."

Sirius Black took a break from appraising Remus's wounds to appraise Remus's thought process. "Wait, so let me get this straight: you're half-blood, she's now part werewolf, and you're both Hufflepuff recessives? I think I finally get you two." A look of Marauder inspiration entered his eyes. "Maybe Narcissa isn't so far off with this whole 'Remus junior' idea."

"Don't you start getting her excited about it too."

"You _really_ need to tread lightly here, Remus. There are a lot of things you can do to my cousin that she'll forgive you for. But if you get too controlling about this maternal stuff, you really might cross a line."

* * *

><p>Draco poked into the room cautiously. "Remus…are you okay? And mom? Is she?"<p>

"She's fine, Draco. She didn't turn into a wolf. She's just taking a nap."

Draco smiled with relief, and then grinned with excitement. "I also have good news," he said, pulling a fancy-looking certificate from his overnight bag. "Guess who just inherited the Lestrange fortune?"

"Um...I'm guessing not me and Tonks?" said Sirius.

"Nope, Lord Draco!" With both thumbs, Draco pointed at himself victoriously. "And now that Lucius is going to jail, I guess I have the Lupin Estate too!"

"The Lupin Estate?"

"That's what I'm gonna rename the Malfoy Manor! That way you can live there, or maybe Sirius."

"You'd really be okay with that?" said Remus, "I don't want to impose."

"What are you, a Hufflepuff?" Draco crossed his arms. "Remus, don't you want to prove to my mom that you can be a true gentleman?"

"Um, I guess so?"

"Well, mooching off your relatives is what being a gentleman is _all about_!"

"Did you hear that, Remus?" said Sirius, "Who ever thought we'd see the day where you'd be an even bigger moocher than me?"

Remus rolled his eyes.

"The only problem," said Draco, "is that those mansions are a little too big for just the four of us."

"So, are you giving one to the Order to use as a headquarters?"

"Maybe…or maybe you and mom should have a kid so there could be, like, a spare."

_"Oh great," _Remus thought, _"Now all three of them have the same ill-thought-out idea. How am I supposed to stand up against all of them together?"_

_"I can't believe it!" _a put-upon voice cajoled. _"You really don't want a baby with that sweet angel? Even after how well she brought up that little dragon of hers?"_

His heart skipped a beat.

_"…Mom?"_

* * *

><p><em>Remus's friends had spent the whole visit talking excitedly about the Yule Ball. Sirius had been debating which of the hoards of girls after him he should go with while James had been plotting ways to win over the one girl he was after. Remus had just listened to his friends, grateful they didn't harass him with questions about if he had a date yet.<em>

_After his friends left, his mom followed Remus into his bedroom. _

_"So, this Yule Ball I've been hearing so much about sounds like a lot of fun. Do you need to get some kind of flowery corsage for your date or is it not like Muggle Prom?"_

_"Mom, you know I can't ask anyone."_

_Her voice turned sympathetic. "Honey, well was there anybody you were thinking of asking?"_

_A picture of one girl's face hit his mind's eye before he could repress it. He was sure she didn't know he existed, he knew his friends would think he was crazy for liking her, and, besides, she'd already said 'yes' to someone else._

_"It doesn't matter. If anybody knew what I am, they'd be too scared to go with me."_

_Hope sat at the foot of his bed, and her voice took on a teacherly tone, as it did whenever she was going to make a point. "Remus, do you remember the story of how your dad and I met?"_

_"He saved you from that boggart, when you were lost in the woods?"_

_Hope smiled. "And do you remember what my boggart was?"_

_"Um, a man chasing after you?"_

_"A man…" she tilted her head. "Not some wild animal or supernatural creature. And guess what your father is? A __man__!"_

_Remus was still confused. "So you're saying that if I want a girl to like me all I have to do is save her from someone even scarier than I am?"_

_"No! I didn't fall in love with your dad because he saved me like some 'knight in shining armor'. I fell in love with him because he made me see that, with just a little magic, my deepest fear was really just some silly mushroom." _

* * *

><p>He sat across from her and ran his hand through her hair, looking into her blue eyes.<p>

"I don't want to fight this anymore. We- we can try for a baby, if that's what you really want."

Looking back him, she asked hesitantly. "If that's what _I _want…?"

He took a deep breath and confessed his feelings even to himself. "If that's what we both want."

* * *

><p>Lucius Malfoy sat on the steel chair, tied with anti-disapparation spells, staring at the glass panel as the visitor walked in.<p>

She had curly black hair that fell loosely around her shoulders, and covered half of one eye. Her skin was pale and her eyes were ringed by dark circles. She sat in the chair behind the glass and removed the long jacket, revealing the scar on her right shoulder.

Lucius's eyes shot wide as he recognized her. "What- what did he do to you? The Ministry- they'll never let you have custody of Draco…"

She smiled, her lips painted bright red. "I'm not here to talk about Draco, Lucius. I'm here to tell you something I want you to remember as you rot in Azkaban. "

She leaned forward, her grin becoming more knowing and deliberate. "You made a huge mistake, Lucius. For you all your manipulations and your cunning, you made a terrible, terrible mistake."

"I suppose it's not your fault, though, is it? We tried so hard to hide it, with our polite manners and our little parties, but we were a struggling House, a grasping, dying House, and dying things don't always go down so prettily, do they? You would know, Lucius. So I have to wonder: if you wanted a nice little obedient housewife, why the hell did you marry into the House of Black?"

"You were supposed to be p-pure."

She released a bark of laughter.

"If you go near my family again, I will make you _wish_ you could die by the Cruciatus Curse."

"And Lucius," she added, "I hope that you and Voldemort are happy together, because from now on you can both fuck yourselves."

* * *

><p>They had no body to bury at the funeral, but Remus had given her the idea that they should instead plant the seed.<p>

In the yard of the Lestrange Estate a small group had shown up, mostly family to support her and Andromeda. She recited the words she had written carefully on a piece of crumbled paper as she stood before the group.

"This seed that we plant here today is the seed of a Whomping Willow, so named because the Whomping Willow strikes blindly at all who cross its path. Because of its aggressive instincts, it can be either a sheltering creature offering secrecy and protection, or it can be a hazard to all who approach it."

"This Whomping Willow tree was made by nature to defend itself and is not to be crossed lightly. Yet, if touched in the right place, it becomes like any other tree, perhaps even more beautiful for its majestic strength. We plant this seed in the name of Bellatrix Black, both as a warning to all who would disturb this family plot and as a reminder that even the strangest and most mysterious of creatures have their place in the cycles of nature."

Narcissa knelt down and planted the seed in the ancient ground. Andromeda helped her up and she received a touch of reassurance from Sirius. Then she rejoined her husband and her son, feeling the sanctuary of their arms wrapped around her.

There was no moon in the sky that night, only darkness and stars.


	13. Chapter 13

"_True love leaves no traces  
><em>_If you and I are one  
><em>_It's lost in our embraces  
><em>_Like stars against the sun"_

-Leonard Cohen, True Love Leaves No Traces

"_Know this child will be gifted  
><em>_With love, with patience, and with faith."_

-Natalie Merchant, Wonder

* * *

><p>The Order of the Phoenix filed into the Lupin Estate. Albus Dumbledore sat at the head of the dining room table, while Sirius Black was seated at Dumbledore's right. Narcissa sat further down the large table, flanked on either side by her husband and her sister. Though not a formal member of the Order, Andromeda Black had been invited to the first Order meeting in the Lupin Estate to make an announcement.<p>

"Are you really sure about this?" she asked Narcissa discretely.

"It's time. We don't want to hide any more, and besides, I've already started to show."

Sirius Black clinked on the glass twice and stood up. "We summoned you all here tonight because my dear cousin has something she would like to tell you."

Andromeda stood up next. "That's right. We wanted to invite you all to celebrate with us the two year anniversary of my beautiful sister's wedding to Remus Lupin!"

The Order members showed varying degrees of confusion. A few of them seemed not to understand what they had just heard. Nymphadora Tonks was perhaps the most obvious in her shock, her hair briefly turning lime green before returning to its standard brown. Only Severus Snape appeared completely unsurprised.

Outside in the yard, there was a pavilion set up with flowers and candles. They played records of the '70s music they used to sing along to during teenage trips to Hogsmeade and several of the Order members came out to dance.

Remus and Narcissa so clearly had eyes only for each other as they swayed along to the Celestina Warbeck tunes that a few of the Order members wondered how strong that Fidelius Charm must have been to prevent them from recognizing something going on with Remus earlier.

Tonks poked Andromeda in the side with her elbow and muttered, "Mom, why didn't you say anything?!"

"I was their secret keeper, and besides, how many times did I tell you that you were flirting with the wrong wizard?"

"I thought that was because he was, you know..."

"Have you ever known me to be prejudiced like that?"

"No, but-"

Andromeda slung her arm across her daughter's back. "If it's any consolation, you're the only one who ever even came close to breaking me."

* * *

><p>Later, Dumbledore came over to the steps where Remus and Narcissa were sitting.<p>

"I wanted to congratulate you both on your anniversary. You know, it's been said that a marriage between a Slytherin and a Gryffindor will either result in perfect balance or mutual destruction. Given that you two have made it this far, I can only believe that it must be the former. Of course then, it is also been said that there is no more auspicious match than between two Hufflepuffs." Dumbledore winked.

"Did the Sorting Hat tell you something, Headmaster?"

"It tells me a lot of things, Narcissa," said Dumbledore. "But I'm not just here for congratulations. I wanted to ask you, Remus, if there was chance of you returning to the Defense Against Dark Arts post this fall."

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea…" Remus looked at Narcissa. "At least for now, I think that post should probably go to Severus. I've always had a certain weakness for my students, and in times like these they could use a teacher who won't go too easy on them."

Dumbledore nodded. "You may have a point, Remus. But I would like you back on my staff someday."

"And Narcissa. After your acts of bravery in the Department of Mysteries, I feel I should offer you a place in the Order of the Phoenix."

"I'm very honored, Headmaster. I only wish there were something helpful I could do after how passive I was in the last war."

A sparkle appeared behind his spectacles. "It's funny you should say that, Narcissa. Remus here has provided us with invaluable information on the wolves, but I think we both know that Voldemort's true blind spot has always been the wives."

* * *

><p>Narcissa felt that it was both her curse and her unique blessing to bear her children in times of war. This time around, it was mostly a blessing, as the labor took place well before the full moon and her friends and family were able to attend the birth.<p>

They filed in to the hospital where Narcissa lay holding in her arms a baby girl with amber eyes and dark hair.

Draco was the first one to rush forward, wanting to hold his new sister. "Look mom, I got Phoebe this green blanket because she's going to be a Slytherin, just like her brother!"

"You do know it's a choice, right?" said Narcissa.

"Nope, she's gonna be a Slytherin like me!"

Remus smiled at the three of them. "Well I guess I have to prepare to be even more outnumbered than I already am."

"I don't know," said Narcissa, "I think I see some Gryffindor mischief in those eyes…"

Sirius came with Andy. He had brought a silver jewelry box with the inscription _"Toujours Libre" _on its cover as a gift while Andromeda gave a new edition of _The Tales of Beedle the Bard._

"Do you remember how many times Bella used to read us these stories?" said Andromeda, "She had such an unhealthy crush on that hairy-hearted warlock."

"I'm not sure it was so unhealthy," said Narcissa, "I thought the whole point of that story was that you shouldn't be too cold and unfeeling to love."

As he looked into the eyes of his daughter, Remus thought that his heart could never possibly be hairy again.

* * *

><p>"Can you tell me a story? <em>Please<em>?" Phoebe asked her big brother. She opened _The Tales of Beedle the Bard _to a random page.

"Um, that story's pretty scary. Maybe not that one," said Draco, tossing it aside. He took another book from the basket by the chair, one with a white and red cover. "Here, this book used to belong to your grandma. Your grandma was a Muggle, so it's an old Muggle story. Do you know what a Muggle is?"

"Somebody who can't do magic?

"That's right," said Draco, "but some Muggles are smart and nice, like your grandma was. Her name was Hope." He opened the book to the first illustrated page and Phoebe wiggled closer to get a better view of the words and pictures. "Okay, this story used to be your grandma's favorite. The name of the story is 'Ferdinand the Bull.'"

"_Once upon a time in Spain there was a little bull and his name was Ferdinand. All the other little bulls he lived with would run and jump and butt their heads together, but not Ferdinand. He liked to sit just quietly and smell the flowers. He had a favorite spot out in the pasture under a cork tree. It was his favorite tree and he would sit in its shade all day and smell the flowers. Sometimes his mother, who was a cow, would worry about him. She was afraid he would be lonesome all by himself..."_

Phoebe listened quietly as Draco told her the story, while through the curtain the full moon cast its silvery glow on her bedroom.

"…_and for all I know he is sitting there still, under his favorite cork tree, smelling the flowers just quietly. He is very happy."_

* * *

><p>Years later, after more battles, survivals, and victories together as a family, Remus and Narcissa found themselves performing one of the greatest feats of bravery either of them had ever confronted as they walked their daughter off to the platform.<p>

They had prepared her as much as they possibly could for her first year of school. Draco had spent the whole summer getting her ready to try out for the seeker position on the quidditch team, Sirius had introduced her to the children of the Potters and the Weasleys and told her his stories of the glory days of the Marauders, and Remus had given her all the practice she might need to ace Defense Against the Dark Arts. Nonetheless, her parents still felt nervous and so did Phoebe.

Phoebe pulled her mother aside and looked up into her eyes guiltily.

"Mom?" she said, "How can I choose? I don't want to let you or dad down."

"Phoebe, you can't possibly let either of us down as long as you choose the House that's in your heart."

Narcissa watched her daughter run her cart through the wall, resisting every impulse in her body to run after her. Instead, she squeezed her husband's hand and saw the tears of sadness, joy, concern, and pride welling in his eyes.

Weeks later, they smiled to each other when they received the first owl home from school, the envelop containing an excited letter about her classes and new friends and a photograph of her dressed in black and yellow.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Remus and Narcissa's daughter is named Phoebe after Phoebus Apollo, the Roman god of the sun, and Phoebe Pyncheon, the heroine who lifts the curse on her ancestors in **_**The House of Seven Gables **_**by Nathaniel Hawthorne.**

_**Ferdinand the Bull **_**was written by Munro Leaf and published by The Viking Press in 1938.**

**Thank you to everyone who encouraged me in the writing of this story.**


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